kiya

Three lunatics and a paladin!

Dramatis Personae:

Viepuck, driving this bus accidentally, who gave the twelve-year-old the wheel
Izgil, with the frustrated pedantry
Celyn, mostly just vibing (I had a few moments but I get tired and muzzyheaded easily at the moment)
Robin, who got to be dramatic at the end

When we left off we were on top of a cliff near Veltor, the capital of the barony.

( So we jumped off the cliff, which was the plan. )

I need to write some shit down so I can sort it all out.

Will add to it as I remember things I need to deal with so I can unload them from my brain.

( Primarily of interest to me. )

Miria

A mirror
Is a harrowing thing
And I hid from them
For years,
Flinching back
From the memories of monsters
Peering around the jamb
Of duplicated doors,
Hungry for thought.

I am
No longer
An extracted reflection
But changed:

At last

I saw me
Instead
Of you

And I am not afraid.

( I actually wanna explain the literary reference here. Not the Feri mythology bit, that can just sit. )

After a conversation bit Saturday (and then another conversation later Saturday) I got to pondering that my default manifestation of deep-seated social trauma is always at least partly some flavor of "I am faking all this (and if anyone notices they will hurt me)" and now I'm wondering if at least some of that 'I am faking this' is rooted in dysphoria issues as much as it is neurodivergence because if I'm historically incapable of feeling authentic as myself I can't expect anyone else to see me as real either.

Last night's sleep was Bad in complex ways (I woke up at 6, tried to get back to sleep and did not until after 7, and then had to be up at 8:30 for church service). But that meant I woke up in the middle of a dream and thus remember some bits of it.

( Just a few remembered snippets, mostly because I remember them from telling KJ this morning. )

Crack

A smooth arc
Knows naught
Of becoming;
It must break itself
Into
A whole bird

The song shivers
Like an egg,
Warbling shards
Of something
New

If I told you what this poem was inspired by you would not believe me.

Invert

Did you ever wonder if
I was
So desperate
To be found
Beautiful
In the mirror
Of some
Man's
Eyes

Because I could
Not
Imagine
How anyone
Could love
Something shaped
Like this?

Dreams are apparently cranky today.

( and generally cut )

Short roleplay-focused session today before a longish break before we found more schedule space.

Dramatis Personae:

Izgil, who is mostly engaged in a research project due to player absence
Viepuck, who is intermittently cosplaying a villain
Celyn, who is having a very long day
Robin, who is out of patience

When we left off we had killed the Hag, though there were consequences to doing so.

( So we dug out of the lair. )

Dramatis Personae:

Viepuck: department of illusions and telepathy
Izgil: department of magical analysis and minor questionable decisions
Celyn: department of faith in his god and also major questionable decisions
Robin: extremely upset about these questionable decisions

When we left off we were having a dispute with a Hag about ownership of surveillance technology.

( We would change the nature of this dispute. )