kiya

This is genuinely seriously fucking with my voice lessons?

2026-06-01T16:06:03Z

Countenance

I would say
This world
Is not crushing me
Yet

Except—

Every muscle
In my face
Is knots,
Like I live
In a wince
From the searing
Light
Of scrutiny.

And the pain
And the pull
Is wrecking
The sweetness
Of my voice.

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[ gaming ] Wondering the Grey Mists

2026-06-01T02:04:05Z

Dramatis Personae:

Celyn, who is perhaps unfortunately in his element (chaos and fairy nonsense)
Robin, who wants to go home
with Greymalkin, who wants his wings back
Izgil, who wants to know things
Viepuck, who was falling back on faking it and improv

When we left the party we were deciding what to do after demolishing a redcap fortress.

( There were a lot of trophies in the trophy room, many of them grisly. )

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[ gaming ] I know adventuring parties who use subtlety and they're all cowards.

2026-04-12T22:12:45Z

Meme reference for the title.

Dramatis Personae:

Izgil, doing bomber runs
Viepuck, more of a sniper really
Celyn, combat medic
Robin, heavy cavalry

When we left off we were travelling to the fortress of the person who took, among other things of less importance to the party, Greymalkin's wings as a trophy.

( And so we headed off with our half a goat. )

Combat sessions continue pretty fast to summarize.

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TDOV

2026-03-31T23:10:27Z

Visible

To learn young
That
To be seen
Is
To be hurt

To discover
That
To be seen
Wrong
Bleeds tears

To wish
That
To be seen
Were
Even real

To know
That
To be seen
Is
Never simple

To wonder
If
Being seen
Will
Work out
This time.

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I got nothing but poetry

2026-03-23T21:36:30Z

I think this is a sign that my ADHD meds are also antidepressants?

Earth

none of us are built
to be this brave

the epics told the truth:
the inhuman weight
of necessary courage
makes monsters
of its warriors
(of its victims)

because

only monsters
can survive
valor

and not
lie beneath

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Really, really winning.

2026-03-21T22:54:35Z

PSA

Did you know
Mental health is worse
In the population
We're trying to kill?

It's why
They can't be allowed
To be
Like that.

It's for their own good,
You see.
These laws
Are protection.

Left to their own devices
They make bad choices,
Which lead to
Negative outcomes,
Like living.

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Depression is winning today

2026-03-21T18:30:20Z

Rat

The poem says
Hope is a sewer rat
Adapted
For survival

Despite the plague
And the filth
And the hate

And I
Got the t-shirt
The one with the rats
That says
"You will not
Exterminate
Us"

That they
Resurrected
For rats
Like me

But I am
Sick
Of gnawing
A way
Out

And so tired
Of the stench.

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Circling back to this guy...

2026-03-17T19:53:46Z

Watcher

They say angels
Are genderless
But he refused to come
Unarmed:

He tore an eye
From his feathered wing
And opened its color
To paint his lids

He had not been shaped
To have
A blade
So he made one.

His hands opened
With gifts:

These are your weapons,
Use them.
Become strong
And beautiful.

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This first sentence has existed for a long time in other things.

2026-03-12T17:27:37Z

Toys

Gender is like Lego
It hurts
When you step on it.

Some like kits
And assemble
Piece by piece
Just like they're supposed to

Many— most?
Might build theirs and
Then
Adapt

Rayguns on the pirate ship
Skeletons in the princess castle—
It needs a dungeon.

Gather your pieces while ye may.
Become.

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[ gaming ] Defeating the Gazebo before Teatime

2026-03-09T00:42:15Z

Dramatis Personae:

Viepuck, the eldritch tween (with his familiar the flying purple octopus Es*tiaslos)
Izgil, the respectable older gent who brings moon to the moonless
Celyn, whose sense of etiquette was more useful than his stabbing honestly
Robin, who is unspeakably exhausted about fairy bullshit
(and getting his own line)
Greymalkin, wingless gryphon with PTSD and an entirely reasonable resulti9ng attitude

When we left off we had just been asked to go close a portal to the Feywild in a way that meant it would not reopen.

( So we planned to go through the portal into the realm of the evil fey. )

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Back to religion

2026-03-04T06:35:29Z

Set

Miscellanea:

The polar stars
With fixed purpose;

Thunderbolt iron
To open the power
(Great of strength)
to speak;

Confusion;
Discord;
Overcoming that which would
Annihilate;

The sinister and redheaded;
The foreign.

And
Problematic
Men—
Angry drunks,
Queer,
And the ball-less.

Collected.

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Whoof.

2026-02-26T18:34:57Z

Files

( I'm cutting this because maybe you don't want to see Epstein files-related poetry. )

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Been a minute

2026-02-12T03:43:23Z

Regalia

It used to be
People
Put on names
And a suit of clothes,
And were known.

The unknown god
Takes up his staff,
Puts on his beard,
His signs of power,
And when so garbed can say,
"And now you know me."

What raiment is mine,
What tools,
What adornments,
That will make me known?

I know not.

Footnotes on this one are: conversations about names on bsky, the lecture I went to tonight on queer/trans experience in the American colonies, a passage quoted in Daily Life of the Egyptian Gods, and graydon's comments about how gender is the means of signaling what sort of improv one is doing....

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Welp.

2026-02-03T05:54:21Z

Not my best way to start a year, honestly, this state of mind.

ETA ... okay random shuffle is being perfect in a lolsob way.

Time is like a bullet from behind
I run for cover just like you
Time is like a liquid in my hands
I swim for dry land just like you

Time is like a blanket on my face
I try to be here just like you
Time is just a fiction of our minds
I will survive and so will you

We are the only ones right now that are celebrating
And we are joining hands right now
We are the only ones right now that are suffocating
We are the dying ones right now

As the water grinds the stone
We rise and fall
As our ashes turn to dust
We shine like stars

Here's the whole thing, and welp.

Official video.

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[ gaming ] Monty Python's Flying Royalty

2026-02-02T03:33:07Z

Dramatis Personae, from the POV of the major NPCs:

Sir Robin, Lord of Asineau Village, with Greymalkin the wingless gryphon
Celyn Bettws, Lord's Consort in Asineau
Viepuck, squire and herald to Sir Robin, with Es*tiaslos the purple eldritch flying octopus
and
Izgil, the dwarf scholar who hangs out in Asineau

When we left off we had just killed a dragon.

( So we packed up our nonsense and returned to Asineau. )

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[ gaming ] The Best-Laid Plans of Kobolds and Men

2025-12-08T07:18:10Z

Dramatis Personae

Viepuck, quiet due to player absence
Izgil, unfortunately the only one who can see in the dark
Celyn, who did a lot of rogueing
Robin, prepared to do a great deal of dragon-thumping

When we concluded last session, we were about to be attacked by a dragon.

( So we set up for that. )

(Combat sessions are easy to summarize.)

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[ gaming ] An interlude, soon to be slightly on fire

2025-11-10T07:15:24Z

Summarizing some emailed events and today's session.

Dramatis Personae

Izgil, who did not do much because his player was out this session
Celyn, who has complicated class issues
Viepuck, who is very busy causing chaos as usual
Robin, who is doing a lot of engineering lately

When we concluded last session, the party was having something of a vacation in Robin's new demesne of the village of Asineau.

( Things have been pretty chill for a bit! Warmer now. )

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After some conversations I was having I had to write this one, heh.

2025-10-10T03:02:57Z

Mama

There was in me
A trailing reluctance
To let go
Of what nurtured you—

Even though
It now fed
Neither you
Nor me.

But—

When you tucked your head
Against my chest
To cling again,
I don't think
You even
Noticed
It was gone.

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[ gaming ] Dueling Theatrics

2025-10-06T06:35:03Z

Dramatis Personae

Izgil, who is profoundly offended by the irrationality of these accusations
Viepuck, who manages PR rather a lot for a twelve-year-old
Celyn, who has a little box of white-hot rage that he opens up, for a treat
Robin, who as always really wants to protect everyone

When we left off we were about to be tried on a trumped-up necromancy accusation put together by a person we were pretty sure was an actual necromancer.

( So we settle in for an uneasy sort of night in the courtyard to the baronial keep. )

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Minipoem time

2025-09-28T20:04:09Z

Seahorse

I carried you
Even though
I—
I am no woman;

(I will love all things that grow
And are,
And am,
Not barren)

You taught my roots to drink
My trunk to span realms
My branches to embrace the stars:
We were the world,
Together.

You were never as heavy
As how
The world
Saw me.

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Here's a new one

2025-09-12T18:24:32Z

Inspired by talking with a newly-hatched Jewish trans woman.

Tikkun

Each of these pains
Is the jagged edge
Of a cracked
Vessel

You are not separate
From a wounded
Creation
The light you find
In your own curves
Is also divine

To become holy
Is
To become whole.

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[ gaming ] In which the party and the plot both fall off a cliff and everyone is a deceiver

2025-09-08T07:12:37Z

Three lunatics and a paladin!

Dramatis Personae:

Viepuck, driving this bus accidentally, who gave the twelve-year-old the wheel
Izgil, with the frustrated pedantry
Celyn, mostly just vibing (I had a few moments but I get tired and muzzyheaded easily at the moment)
Robin, who got to be dramatic at the end

When we left off we were on top of a cliff near Veltor, the capital of the barony.

( So we jumped off the cliff, which was the plan. )

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Here's one that came out of Worldcon

2025-08-22T05:50:21Z

Traps

Torment chained
Through my elbows
And wrists
From shoulders
Too weak
To carry it—

What if the pain
Of trying
To hold up my head
At all

Was twisted
From my knotted
Failure
To be
A
Man?

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There is too much month in the next month

2025-07-28T05:42:22Z

I need to write some shit down so I can sort it all out.

Will add to it as I remember things I need to deal with so I can unload them from my brain.

( Primarily of interest to me. )

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[ gaming ] It's nice to occasionally have a sequence of morally uncomplicated fights

2025-07-28T04:57:30Z

Three lunatics and a paladin, once more.

Dramatis Personae:

Viepuck and Izgil, who have complicated magical theory shit going on
Celyn and Robin, who hit things and heal people

When we left off we had retrieved an evil sphere and yelled for help answering what to do with it.

( So we sorted out what to do next. )

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