kiya

So weird.

Caught the train in to town because the house inspector was coming through and I needed to be out of the house anyway. Wound up listening to a fairly Crüxshadows-heavy playlist on the way because that was the sort of mood I was in (I've been a little obsessive about "Ballroom on Mars" lately) and wound up, as a result, having one of those weird internal conversations.

I've been, on and off, accumulating desires for various miscellaneous bits of clothing and have been working to accumulate them; part of this is gender play. Which wound up with my most non-female (possibly male? male-androgynous, I think) aspect complaining about the state of my wardrobe a lot. So we went around and around on figuring out what he would find acceptable and basically it's a bunch of stuff I've been wanting to pick up for ages and haven't had the money for (and much of it is online order anyway so not useful now when my address is in imminent flux).

Headed to Mary's for dinner and decided, on a whim, to duck into Hubba Hubba and see if I could address some of the internal pressure. Wound up picking up a pair of spiked wrist cuffs, which nicely match the collar otter3 gave me years ago. Inner cranky fashion critic slash goth slightly mollified.

Of course, I was still in this more male-ish headspace when I stomped into the T and discovered that while they haven't swapped North Station (where all the northern rail lines come in) over to the new farecard system, they have swapped Central to it. Which meant that buying two tokens at North Station had been useless, except it wasn't, as the security guard informed me, "Sir, you can get the card with the token" but only after I'd put in most of the fare in loose change. Then I guess he noticed the tits; he corrected the honorific. I haven't been sirred when I wasn't wearing the somewhat upper-torso-obscuring leather jacket before; I'm tickled.

Talked game systems a little with jikharra. Talked house hunting with keshwyn and anyone else who would listen to me, including little drawings of floor plans to try to explain some of the weirdnesses of things we've looked at.

From the theater of the gloriously out of context: "Oh, we've devolved into a chalet?" --briar_pipe

Shoulders entirely locked up. Meh.

Today's random satisfaction: I feel vindicated in my belief that it was the correct action to quote Buckaroo Banzai at ap by the fact that redbird did the same.

Today's random household task: washed towels.

Today's random philosophical ponder: "Spectators", by the Crüxshadows. Oddly appropriate to something or other. "But I'll make a run at something real and they'll never even try ..."

Today's random WTF: Stormy wants a playlist with more than three songs on it. Waugh. (If I said "Silly puppy" she'd probably get mad ...) Have added "Of Wolf and Man", mostly because it's funny.

Today's random fifth point fnord: iTunes likes this song a lot lately.

Section 35: 1062 words. I could probably finish it tonight but I'm so very very very. Amused by characters. ("What would I do without you?" "Make a less impressive entrance?") ("Are they partners?" "I suppose we'll see if one ever takes a fancy to a girl, and they ask if she'll bed them both.")

I was going to write about the meditation from the PA ritual tonight, but whatever I was going to say fell out of my head again. Had an interesting talk with Wab Sandie after ritual about writing and multiplicity and stuff; sent her a URL to the shapeshifting meditation writeup I did gods, over two years ago for marykaykare in rasseff. (Oh, goodness, that was a Kristopher thread too. He did inspire me to some interesting writing.) Interesting to talk to someone whose opening question is something to the effect of, "So. . . are your others walk-ins, past lives, or something else?" Explaining basic concept: clearly not necessary.

Fed the snakie without having to lock Arthur in the bathroom. It's all good.

. . . and now I'm discussing Federal allocation of highway funds and states-rights with lstone, annwyd, and oneironaut. With occasional diversions into D&D.

. . . ugh. Just reminded that I bruised my navel. (Don't ask me how I managed that. I don't know.) Belly laughs: ow.

[ Note: if you think you know all of what's going into this, you're probably wrong. If you think you know some of what's going into this, you're probably right. ]

[ Note #2: This may not make much sense; part of the writing it is trying to work things out. I did some working-out talking to teinedreugan and later brooksmoses last night, but a lot of it's still under my tongue. ]

[ Note #3: I should add a wolf silhouette to my hawk icon. ]

( All these damned monkeys frustrate me. )

But we do not notice them even when they throw nuts and filth on our heads.

[ The Jungle Book, Rudyard Kipling ]

I just posted this to the thread on plurality on rasfc:

My problem-solving architecture is very remarkably slow. I do not handle new situations either well or quickly; I get the equivalent of a lot of badly hung-up processes and gears that do not engage well.

I compensate for this by anticipating and planning responses to a large number of situations, which I keep in a sort of archive. Once I have survived an encounter with a completely unanticipated situation, I devote some processing time to evaluating courses of action in case of a recurrence, and file them.

I can best-match situations to stuff in the archive very quickly, and implement them very efficiently; /creating/ them takes a significant amount of time, and time in where there is resolution pressure is useless for this purpose.

I am now wondering if this is related to my drive towards composing fiction: I have a very heavily developed "What If?" generator, and it doesn't necessarily stop at conceiving of possible solutions to possums in the kitchen.

I need to figure out if the dream I'm trying to convert into a short story has an actual plot though. It's got plenty of "What if?"

I've been manifesting a great deal as discrete aspects rather than gestalt lately. ("Lately" defined approximately as "the last month and a half".)

In roughly the same time period, I have been having significant difficulties producing language: not only have I been losing words more frequently (and a wider variety of parts of speech), but my paragraphs have been significantly more reluctant to allow me to wrestle them into submission than is usual.

Hypothesis: consistent, coherent language production may be a byproduct of synthesis. Situations that keep me out of gestalt for a significant length of time disrupt the channels that enable me to form comprehensible verbalisation.

On the bright side, I'm still much better at generating text than I am at generating spoken language, though that text is punctuated with "thingy" with somewhat distressing frequency. And I can count on Darkhawk for verbiage, so long as it's on a meta-topic and I don't mind polysyllabic ravings.