Preferring to run social interactions on gift economy should have an error-check mechanism dealing with cultural significances attached to gift transfer.
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That should, I think, include what sort of expressions of appreciation are needed and appropriate to indicate that the gift is actually wanted.
A calling B and offering dinner/movie/other social interaction isn't a desired gift if B isn't interested in spending time with A; B may, in fact, feel zie is giving A a gift of zir time because A is (perceived as) lonely and needing attention. Or B may want A to understand, already, that umpteen "no thanks, I'm busy" replies mean "so stop asking" when never accompanied by "by how about X?" or "Check back in February when I'm done with $project."
That should, I think, include what sort of expressions of appreciation are needed and appropriate to indicate that the gift is actually wanted.
That's actually part of my cultural issues -- Amongst My People, it is unspeakably rude to reject a gift, therefore I go to extensive lengths to develop confidence that gifts are welcome.
The bit of fraughtness that provoked this thing was a matter of scheduling, as in: "You've said you want this thing. We agreed to have this thing happen at this time. Your consistent failure to come even close to being on time is a rejection of my gift of presence more-or-less as arranged... I'm hurt/confused/bewildered/angry...."
It's an old and semi-resolved issue (the other party is probably not doing this anymore, in other words, but my perceptions are that my gifts are not valued in this arena) that came up in conversation about something completely else and provoked the realisation.
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From:
addendum
A calling B and offering dinner/movie/other social interaction isn't a desired gift if B isn't interested in spending time with A; B may, in fact, feel zie is giving A a gift of zir time because A is (perceived as) lonely and needing attention. Or B may want A to understand, already, that umpteen "no thanks, I'm busy" replies mean "so stop asking" when never accompanied by "by how about X?" or "Check back in February when I'm done with $project."
From:
Re: addendum
That's actually part of my cultural issues -- Amongst My People, it is unspeakably rude to reject a gift, therefore I go to extensive lengths to develop confidence that gifts are welcome.
The bit of fraughtness that provoked this thing was a matter of scheduling, as in: "You've said you want this thing. We agreed to have this thing happen at this time. Your consistent failure to come even close to being on time is a rejection of my gift of presence more-or-less as arranged... I'm hurt/confused/bewildered/angry...."
It's an old and semi-resolved issue (the other party is probably not doing this anymore, in other words, but my perceptions are that my gifts are not valued in this arena) that came up in conversation about something completely else and provoked the realisation.