On the subject of husbands' last names.

[kiya]

This from the most recent spam phone call I've gotten (I'm answering the phone today because Kevin placed an order and they might be calling here).

Hello?
Can I speak to Kevin Marsh?
I'm afraid he's at work.

This is the normal thing. Normally in follow-up to this, they ask me, "Are you Mrs. Marsh?" and I say "No." This time they asked the question that I answer "Yes" to:

Is this his wife?
Yes.

Then it gets interesting.

Mrs. Marsh, I. . .
My name is not Mrs. Marsh.
Huh?

Graceful recovery, that.

I did not take my husband's name.
*with amazing huffiness* Oh-kay. Sorrreeeeee.

Then she hung up on me.

Comments

A better response

[cheshyre]

Whenever anybody calls my husband Mr. Riba or asks him for Mrs. Osmond, he replies, "I didn't take my wife's name when we got married."

Sometimes it really throws callers for a loop.

Why play into the assumption that if someone in the couple took on the other's name, it had to be the wife who changed...

Re: A better response

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Actually, it usually doesn't throw callers for a loop. Usually they laugh in that "hmm I just got something new to think about in my worldview" way.

I don't know if that works better for me because I'm male, at home all day, and Lis's name is on all the phonespam lists. It may be that "actually, not 'Mrs Marsh'; my husband didn't take my last name when we got married" is just plain less effective than, "actually, not 'Mr Riba'; I didn't take my wife's name when we got married."

I dunno. I like to think that, the way I say it, it makes people wonder why they assume that couples do have the last name, and, if so, why it should be the husbands'.

"May I speak to Elisabeth Riba?"
"I'm sorry, she's not available."
"Is there a Mr. Riba?"
"There's nobody at this address by that name."

I never deny being her husband -- unless I feel like it. I mean, I don't feel like I'm required to actually be honest with total strangers who phone me up to sell me stuff.

Re: A better response

[kiya]

I was actually thinking of you guys when I said it. I think yours is more effective because it turns the thing on its head; it underscores that it's a stupid assumption because it's not the Expected Thing that a man would take his wife's name.

Someone who points out that he didn't take his wife's name is doing something incongruous that shows up the silliness of the presumption of name-changing. Someone who points out that she didn't take her husband's name is a ball-breaking feminazi bitch who should know better than to be annoyed by being referred to by a name not her own because she should know that's the normal thing to do, the freak.

At least I presume that's why she got huffy about being gently corrected.