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Internet b0rken now six hours. I would be more encouraged by their 'we think we'll have it fixed in four hours' thing if there wasn't an outage in Quincy too (not yet done, earlier timing, projected time to fix: four hours) which is probably consuming a certain fraction of the region's available engineers.
Took the colorquiz test thing again, and am feeling crankily amused by things like: "Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. A feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation, irritation, and acute distress from which she tries to escape by refusing further direct participation. She confines herself to a cautious approach and a concealed determination to get her own way in the end." Nooooooo, really? Also, I'm overloaded, insecure, feel helpless, and need reassurance that I'm loved and can count on security and stability.
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ibnfirnas and keshwyn have had thoughts about more ritual/magical work that might help me out. Need to ponder at the details a bit. Very good idea, but needs to be handled with care.
Tangentially, though, why do I have an impulse to offer gingersnaps to Wesir? Not that I object to the notion in the slightest, I like gingersnaps and I should offer Him something these days . . . . Will see how complicated that is to do or whether I should put off full-moon ritual until tomorrow so I have prep time.
Given that I doubt non-annoying internet will be restored any time soon, I will likely stop with the slow and flaky connection when I go off to do ritual (if I manage cookies tonight) and see if it's fixed tomorrow.
Still can't concentrate worth a damn.
Took the colorquiz test thing again, and am feeling crankily amused by things like: "Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. A feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation, irritation, and acute distress from which she tries to escape by refusing further direct participation. She confines herself to a cautious approach and a concealed determination to get her own way in the end." Nooooooo, really? Also, I'm overloaded, insecure, feel helpless, and need reassurance that I'm loved and can count on security and stability.
ibnfirnas and keshwyn have had thoughts about more ritual/magical work that might help me out. Need to ponder at the details a bit. Very good idea, but needs to be handled with care.Tangentially, though, why do I have an impulse to offer gingersnaps to Wesir? Not that I object to the notion in the slightest, I like gingersnaps and I should offer Him something these days . . . . Will see how complicated that is to do or whether I should put off full-moon ritual until tomorrow so I have prep time.
Given that I doubt non-annoying internet will be restored any time soon, I will likely stop with the slow and flaky connection when I go off to do ritual (if I manage cookies tonight) and see if it's fixed tomorrow.
Still can't concentrate worth a damn.
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*hugs* Is there anything I can do to help you out? Would like to help you feel better. *worried look* You seem down a lot lately.
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I am down a lot lately. A major part of my life is put on hold for a while and when it comes off hold it will be in live-or-die-horribly state; this is tremendously draining and sucks a lot of my capacity to deal with the rest of reality. I've spent large parts of this summer wrestling with my neurochemistry in bad ways, and I'm hoping the fact that my digestion is being sensitive in a way that resembles mild Crohn's/celiac disorder is just my known-subpar guts reacting to my stress. I desperately need a psych-type to talk to to deal with old sexual assault damage, old childhood scars, and (at
Wesir commentary is because I've been doing a devotional for Him for a couple months now: I feel like I've been ripped into pieces, and I figured He was a good guy to talk to for coping strategies for that sort of thing. I am considering expanding this in various ways (tonight's semi-whimsical semi-serious comment was "I wonder if I can get someone to make me a prosthetic penis").
The most obviously productive thing I can think of to do at this point is make cookies for god. And do ritual, which at least gets my fragmentary bloody gobbets arranged in a nice order.
Er, hi. I seem to have unloaded at you a little. :/
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I know I'm way over here and not really capable of doing much at a distance, but if there is anything at all that I can do to help, let me know. I wish I could give you extra strength to get through this. I don't really have any advice or anything that would be useful, I don't think. *looks down* It sounds like you know what you need to do, but just need the energy and strength boosts to get through. I can try to send some of that, if that would be something you'd find useful. If not, that's OK. Whatever works for you.
*hugs* And you are loved. Never doubt it. So nyeah. q: (:
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In any case, hugs and love for you and hope things get better.
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Inbound email with a URL that might be of interest.
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hrnk
I have not a single damn clue as to how this must feel. It does bring back uncomfortable echoes of my depression 7 years ago, but they don't seem remotely comparable really.
*sighs* *hrnks* *offers hugs if they're welcome*
Do you remember a long time ago we discussed empathy? I described it as being in the center of a web, feeling loved ones and strangers tugging at the strings. I know it sounds strange, but I can feel you out there, and I'm actively sending back along that line. I hope you can feel that connection, but even if you can't--then I hope you know I can, and that I'm here.
naiad, feeling completely ineffectual and awkward but hitting "post" anyway.
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Re: hrnk
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Having had that happen to me before (Don't you just love summer/fall storms in DC?) I know it sucks royally.
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From: (Anonymous)
ouch.
The future is the only place where hope might be fulfilled.
Trying to make the future be two different places, to get the harm and the hope far apart, is an effective way to come unglued.
"Glory versus length of days" -- very old tangle, that many people have not found peace with. Do you decide that the harm will find you, no matter what, so that you have as much fun as you can until then, or do you decide to manage risk as well as you can, in the hope of dodging the harm?
My own -- very much not in the tradition you have taken up! -- take on this is that no one escapes their wyrd; history is history, and is always a constraint. The choice to accept doom or seek to out-clever risk is a false one, because that's not how it works.
The utility of knowledge is to have as many responses to what shows up in the way or risk or harm as you can, on the one hand, and to have as many choices between kinds of harm or future circumstances as you can arrange.
(Consider the whole 'honesty in relationships' thing, and the tradeoffs people make between harm now (partner not happy with honesty) and harm later (partner angry to have been misled). Human brain wiring does not have a default for this kind of question.)
If I am understanding your state of mind correctly, you've got way to much unresolvable future and no idea what you need to know to make it less likely to have harm in it (or more likely to have the fulfillment of hope in it), which is a plenty horrid place to be.
The default advice about that is to work on stable present -- that way you've at least got something to rest on. The not-so-default advice about that is to point out that you can't actually get to the future faster, and worrying about what it will be like doesn't contribute to expanding your scope of choice when it gets here.
Also, since you're finite, you can't possibly do everything that would expand your scope of choice for the future, so expecting yourself to do all of the possible things is (effectively) volunteering to be squashed by the sheer size of the uncaring universe.
One brick at a time will still get the wall built.
-- Graydon
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I was going to offer possible net access later if yours didn't come back (and if you wanted to leave the house), but it seems that may not be a problem anymore. :)
*not quite sure how or what to say, but want to say something*
I specifically put aside talking about anything with
I...don't know if you want concrete suggestions or offers of help, or just to be able to let a little of the stress out? (Because I could maybe try to help with the psych thing or the house thing - especially the house thing - if it would help take some of the pressure off.) Seriously, if there's anything I can do to help (listen - with or without suggestions, make approving comments at your shiny WoW characters, have you be cranky at me if you want help moving stuff around to prep the house for showing and I move things to the wrong place, whatever), I would be...extremely happy? Honored? Something?
*hug* I care about you, and I send you hope, because I believe in you, and believe that you will be able to find your way, even though it's not easy.
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Ideas, Ideas, and more ideas
These (thoughts) reflect massive amounts of conjecture, speculation, transference of qualities based on same and much inference on my part. They are also based on what I personally know of the mythos centred around these names. As such, nothing written here reflect Ancient Kemetic thought or that of any online temple-house.(disclaimer)
Wesir, while living was the patron of agriculture and husbandry.Not a play on words...statesments of his mythos. Not much is known about his life while he was alive other than he was a ruler, a teacher, a priest, a counselor, a husband, lover and adulterer. (as stated in his mythos.) He also while alive taught humanity the secrets of agricuture in all forms. His favourite pasttime was the development of new strains of plant life.
Serqet is connected with Wesir in that it was she not Aset who spoke the magickal heka created by Djehuty that enabled Wesir - within her domain-the 'beautiful tent',- to come back to life long enouogh to have the intimate relations with Aset that conceived Heru Sat Aset.
While Aset is the User of Heka, Serqet is known as the Holder (owner) of Heka. There is a stella in which Aset declares although she is the user of Heka, there is one mightier than she who goes before her. She names Serqet.
Unfortunately the scholarly site on which this was written, has been taken down. I cannot remember the original url else I would source that comment.
There are many who now equate Serqet as being Aset's dual aspect via
their mutual use of Heka and connection with scorpions. Some refer to the fact that in two particular nomes in ancient Kemet,which were centers of worship for Aset, the name Serqet is often found connected to hers. Those who see such a connection, claim that Serqet is the dark side of Aset just as surely as Sekhmet is the dark side of Het-Hert manifest.
Serqet's connect to Sekhmet are many.Both are sisters since their mutual father is Ra. Both are passionate about healing. They engage in it from different perspectives.
In addition to this both represent the element of fire: Serqet represents electrical fire and the scrotching heat of the Sun at high noon (time of day is specific) Sekhmet represents solar fire
in all its forms.
Both love warming, pungent, spicey foods. Among things they favour as offerings is any form of ginger. This includes Gingersnaps. They
love this especially is its served with Ginger Schnapps.
Ginger in additional to all its well known medicinal and culunary attributes, is a root. It's scent is very earthy and pungent. Something I believe Wesir would love as its scent reminds one of very black, moist earth.
Putting it all together, Ginger is favoured by Sekhmet as well as her sister, Serqet, who was responsible for helping to bring Wesir to life in her beautiful tent. (one of Wesir's titles is "He who resides in the beautiful tent of Serqet"/http://www.wesir.org)It's pungent and earthy. It has a scent that reminds one of moist, dark,
black earth something that would appeal to him as Wesir in the Patron of Agriculture.
Hope this helps.
Hugs.
Nemtetsemnewty
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Re: Ideas, Ideas, and more ideas
You are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish I could offer you more comfort than that given from these words..if you receive any from them.
Hugs.
Nemtet.
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Re: Ideas, Ideas, and more ideas
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Re: Ideas, Ideas, and more ideas
It took me close to 24 hours to find this thing. Its only one page of a freaking five page website. It's a shame as it was the best site bar none on Serqet's role in medicine in Kemet.
The worst part besides that is the bibliographical notes section has not been archived.
My own Serqet.org site is gone.I could not afford to maintain it. It was a choice between electric and the Serqet site. The electric for mom won.
Serqet knows I will make a better site when I have the funds to re-activate it.
Still it has one of the three quotes by Aset (Isis) when she refers to Serqet. It does not have the location of the Stella. That was on the page with the bibliographical notes.
Yes, I am a determined priest. grin.
Set would be proud. I did whatever it took to get this.
Hugs.
N.
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(...and a "holy shit!" regarding the exploding CD, which I realize is another post, but the pillow calls my head with siren song so I think I'm done commenting on LJ entries for the evening...)