Angst notes.

[kiya]

My brother's having a colonoscopy at the end of the month to make a guess as to whether he's got Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis or A Need For Increasingly Invasive Tests. He's losing weight pretty rapidly at the moment, and I'm awfully worried about him. (He doesn't exactly have a weight cushion to lose any more than I do.) My brother is a damn cool guy, who's having a wicked bad time of it right now.

Compared to inexplicable, painful degenerative digestive disorders which aren't responding to medication and dietary modification, my own angst seems a little petty. But I still have it; I'm running out of any capability to deal gracefully with long-distance-relationshipness, and it's starting to scare the hell out of me. I don't particularly want to lose my grip or my family. . . .

I feel awfully flattened. Part of this is a depressive phase; I can feel it in the profound lethargy. It's not as bad a hypersomnia as I got before I went on the vitamins, but it's still notable. teinedreugan and I are thinking about a movie tomorrow, and there's gaming Saturday, and maybe that'll help. Or at least drown out the greyness of the call to sleep, to just put a pillow over my head and shut everything else out.

Comments

[ardaniel]

*hugs*

for me, the next week cannot pass quickly enough. I think I'm already beyond my tolerance for MA-to-CA LDR, and I think it's that that has given me so many oddball, stupid doubts in the last month. I'm basically sitting around convinced that I'm awful and that Neal and I are doomed, and I don't get it OR like it.

[kiya]

Believe me, I can relate. I'm glad you've got an imminent date to count down to; I expect that makes some things harder (that last minute breakdown thing I'm all too familiar with), but at least it's there to count down to.

I knew when brooksmoses and I started that the LDR thing was part of the deal, for at least a few years. I knew that when I started, so the fact that I feel like I can't actually handle it feels like . . . I failed him. Which is a nice cherry-on-top to feeling unable to handle, yeah. :/

[brooksmoses]

*holds*

We do what we can.... I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard right now.

[kiya]

I miss you . . .

[undauntra.livejournal.com]

Hmn. Always interesting to find someone else in a similar situation. I'm starting an MA-CA LDR. Any advice? (BTW, I believe that I've met you in person once.)

[kiya]

Flippantly: Hoard your sanity. Collect frequent flyer miles.

I don't know if you're as bad at LDR as I am. MA/CA is wicked. MA/MD wasn't so bad.

[undauntra.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you're as bad at LDR as I am.
I don't know either; I've never had an LDR before. So far, I've gotten a cellphone plan with free long distance and taken up letter-writing.

[sstaten.livejournal.com]

MEEP?

::hugs::

[autumnesquirrel.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[pameladean]

Ow. What a hard time for you. Thinking good thoughts for your brother.

I'm probably joining you in LDR Hell sometime in the next six months to a year. Meh.

Pamela

[kiya]

One of the recent emails I got from him said he lost eight pounds in a week. I cringe. He hasn't been having that good a time overall, and I'm getting the impression that the rebellious intestines are sort of taking the cake. He got put on meds and a diet that were supposed to help him feel better and get him gaining back some weight, and lost eight pounds in a week. Ngrk.


With a little something, maybe, in the next six months to a year it'll be a not-so-LDR. Not sure I can bring myself to hope for a SDR. Maybe.

Distance is unspeakably rough.

[kiya]

I seem to be repeating myself repeating myself. Good to know my editing skills are up to the stress. :/

[brooksmoses]

That does sound pretty distressing for him, yeah. A close friend of our family is about his age and has Crohn's; he might be a source of information if such was wanted.

Hope they figure out what's wrong and how to fix it soon....

[kiya]

Do you know of anything that he can eat? That works?

Meeeeeeh. And he doesn't have the diagnostic until the end of the month. I hope the weight loss . . . slows down at least.

[bibliotrope.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Best wishes to your brother. And to you, too!