Generalisation du Jour

[kiya]

[ dithering over icons, finally picking the hawk icon because the generalisation is about anger rather than because I'm feeling some ]

The things that get me angry -- by which I mean blind, shouting, explosive angry -- boil down in essence to variants on feeling that I'm not being heard, especially in cases where I feel that not hearing me is an actively made choice.

Trying to get in a "last word" and then declaring that no response will be heard enrages me. Repeated misinterpretations of points that I felt I had made clear can either frustrate me or get me angry depending on the tone of the misinterpretations (specifically, whether or not I feel the person is trying to understand or not). People doing things I find hurtful and failing to grasp the existence or validity of my pain. People responding to me with accusatively phrased non-sequiturs. People giving me things I specifically do not want, especially when I have explicitly communicated that these are things that I do not want.

Other things can frustrate me, aggravate me, depress me, pain me . . . but they don't seem to make me angry.


I find this both interesting and telling, given my history.

Comments

[fifthconundrum.livejournal.com]

Out of all things, not being heard seems to be the main thing which makes me angry, too.

[kiya]

Do you think there's a Reason For It? I remember not being heard as being one of the perpetual frustrations of my childhood, so I'm not surprised that it's a thing that sets me off; I am a bit surprised that I can't think of anything else that has similar effects.

Re:

[fifthconundrum.livejournal.com]

In my case, my childhood and adolescence were a study in what not being heard can do to an already introverted personality. It's a miracle I waited 29 years to attempt suicide. So I am not the least bit surprised not being heard (or anything which threatens to result in my not being heard) sets me off in short order.

[elynne.livejournal.com]

Such things aren't an automatic anger-trigger for me... but they certainly do hurt, especially when perpetrated by somebody I trusted.

... not that this is painfully fresh for me right now, or anything. :[

[kiya]

I don't know that they're an automatic anger-trigger for me, but I can't really think of anything that's an anger-trigger for me that isn't some form of not-being-heardness. (Not to rule out the possibility that such exist, but I can't bring any to mind.)

And I hear you. Meh.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

*seeble* and sing it, sister.

Griff, who has much the same reaction to that kind of thing

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

It's always interesting, in the curse sense among others, when that feeling of not being heard goes in more than one direction. Even better yet if it's the feeling of deliberately not being heard.

A.
j

[suzanne.livejournal.com]

Interesting. Not being heard tends to make me withdraw further and become depressed. But while there are many things that upset me, I never get angry.

I've come up with some explanations for that. I've got a hell of a long fuse. I'm afraid of feeling anger, so I channel the emotion into something else or just block it off and go cold. I'm not sure any of that is a healthy response, and it certainly makes me hard to deal with. At this point though, I'm not sure I can get around it.

[serendipoz.livejournal.com]

I grew up in a family where my mother was very hard of hearing. Either I wasn't sure I was being heard at all or I had to shout. Both expressions of anger - or depression.

Habit forming.

[autumnesquirrel.livejournal.com]

This is slightly out of context, but it struck me as appropriate so I wanted to share.

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp12172002.html