![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I am test-driving a therapist on Tuesday.
(While I do hold a deep fondness for previous shrink, she is in fucking Brookline and I am not.)
New shrink is primarily focused on sexual trauma issues and recovery. She bills herself as very queer-friendly, so there is a better than the standard roulette wheel chance she may not flip out about the poly thing.
I pull cards from my new cartomancy deck and got this fine fellow three times in a row over the course of two days, which I'm taking as "go in aligned, godself has you covered" with a sidebar of "Will you stop fucking asking already?"
Doesn't change the fact that I'm a little shaky on the ground, though. One of the fundamental things I've uncovered is a massive rupture between Fetch and Talker, and trying to address this issue is a necessary step to healing the communication rift.
And that means that Fetch keeps popping up with large lumps of "here is some pain you've been ignoring for some fraction of the last decade and a half, now that you're thinking about listening to me". And I have to be with that, sit with that, because I can't ... shut it down. (I mean I could, but that's what I've been doing the last long while and it's part of why there's so much crud in there to deal with, so I can't. If that makes sense.)
And there are other times I'm pretty much as functional as I default to, where it's not surging at me. And that's as true as the tears.
It is very complicated in my head right now. And dealing with one thing pulls up other things - unrelated ones - but things about stuff that I haven't been paying enough attention to, that I haven't been doing a good job in my, y'know, internal Care of Magical Creatures processing. (Pardon, a loop of my brain is doing Harry Potter processing consistently at the moment for other unrelated, complicated reasons.)
I just ... there is too much. So much too much. Putting things right is hard.
(For those following along at home, this is still Samhain fallout. Of course.)
An interesting song to have come up for this entry, huh.
And it follows it up with Cirque's "AlegrÃa".
(While I do hold a deep fondness for previous shrink, she is in fucking Brookline and I am not.)
New shrink is primarily focused on sexual trauma issues and recovery. She bills herself as very queer-friendly, so there is a better than the standard roulette wheel chance she may not flip out about the poly thing.
I pull cards from my new cartomancy deck and got this fine fellow three times in a row over the course of two days, which I'm taking as "go in aligned, godself has you covered" with a sidebar of "Will you stop fucking asking already?"
Doesn't change the fact that I'm a little shaky on the ground, though. One of the fundamental things I've uncovered is a massive rupture between Fetch and Talker, and trying to address this issue is a necessary step to healing the communication rift.
And that means that Fetch keeps popping up with large lumps of "here is some pain you've been ignoring for some fraction of the last decade and a half, now that you're thinking about listening to me". And I have to be with that, sit with that, because I can't ... shut it down. (I mean I could, but that's what I've been doing the last long while and it's part of why there's so much crud in there to deal with, so I can't. If that makes sense.)
And there are other times I'm pretty much as functional as I default to, where it's not surging at me. And that's as true as the tears.
It is very complicated in my head right now. And dealing with one thing pulls up other things - unrelated ones - but things about stuff that I haven't been paying enough attention to, that I haven't been doing a good job in my, y'know, internal Care of Magical Creatures processing. (Pardon, a loop of my brain is doing Harry Potter processing consistently at the moment for other unrelated, complicated reasons.)
I just ... there is too much. So much too much. Putting things right is hard.
(For those following along at home, this is still Samhain fallout. Of course.)
An interesting song to have come up for this entry, huh.
And it follows it up with Cirque's "AlegrÃa".
Tags:
From:
no subject