Sudden plurality noodle.

[kiya]

I've been manifesting a great deal as discrete aspects rather than gestalt lately. ("Lately" defined approximately as "the last month and a half".)

In roughly the same time period, I have been having significant difficulties producing language: not only have I been losing words more frequently (and a wider variety of parts of speech), but my paragraphs have been significantly more reluctant to allow me to wrestle them into submission than is usual.

Hypothesis: consistent, coherent language production may be a byproduct of synthesis. Situations that keep me out of gestalt for a significant length of time disrupt the channels that enable me to form comprehensible verbalisation.

On the bright side, I'm still much better at generating text than I am at generating spoken language, though that text is punctuated with "thingy" with somewhat distressing frequency. And I can count on Darkhawk for verbiage, so long as it's on a meta-topic and I don't mind polysyllabic ravings.

Comments

[kiya]

I have three aspects who have strong verbal capabilities, some aspects that are somewhat neutral to the concept of language, and several that are pretty thoroughly nonverbal.

Of the three verbal aspects, one is a "speak when spoken to" type, one is entirely capable of being verbal but doesn't generally want to talk, and the third is my default public front, who will geek happily away at whatever subject is the current shiny thing. (The head post for this thread is a good example of unalloyed Darkhawk.)

Which means if I need to talk about something that isn't a meta-subject or a response, I need to have two aspects able to communicate with each other in order to convey stuff verbally to the outside. E.g., dealing with intimate emotional processing seems to require Silver and usually Darkhawk to work in somewhat tandem.

Very little of my internal communication is actually verbal, so I don't have the everyone-talks-all-at-once problem. :} But I do suspect I need to have smooth internal communications to express a goodly number of things, and one of the reasons I've started processing myself as plural is the tendency to discretise under stress, which makes it hard on the nonverbal aspects, especially since they often have the most direct responses to stressors.

[kiya]

I'm not sure if that would describe how it works internally for me, actually; it's . . . enough not like how I'd describe such that I can't quite visualise, if that makes sense?

Normally, what's in my head is a sort of . . . well, it's a nice seasonal metaphor. That cotton stuff that people can get in packages for Hallowe'en. I can pull on it and stretch it out enough to see the individual threads, but if I don't do that, it's this sort of mass of being, and I don't usually meta enough to do the pulling-out-the-threads unless I take a lot of time on it; the entire processing process runs a lot shorter than any sort of pulling-out-bits might do.

And I see-saw a good bit as to whether I consider my aspects to be incarnations of the aggregate personality, or the aggregate to be an assemblage of more or less independent, coordinating personalities, sort of like one of those mecha cartoons where one person in a zippy little spacecraft becomes MegaLaserTron's left elbow, etc., etc. (Now I have a weird impulse to try making a drawing or something of a giant mecha composed of all my named aspects. Heh!)

Inside my head is like a fugue, many different instruments playing variations on the same theme and tangling up so that it's sometimes hard to pick out which thread begins and ends. . . .

Now I'm pondering the spectrum of personality constructs as represented by various musical structures. If I'm a fugue, what would someone who's penteulli (aka contrefait) process like?

[kiya]

Or a medley. Or . . .