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Too much crazy cranky.
The shrink was stealth difficult, hitting me with something that just kept going around and around. She was also impressed with my writing -- I handed her a printout of a description of my breakdown that I wrote a few months ago, and she visibly seesawed between 'wow, I want to savor this word choice' and '... ow'. And then latched on to the paragraph about my mother and asked me about it. Heh.
I also handed her another short just ... I don't want to have to say this out loud ... thing, and the lengthy and detailed description of the assault and the surrounding context I wrote three years ago. Because I can talk about that content, but I can't vocalise it. I wrote it down. That's enough.
Grabbed a liesurely late lunch, took the subway around to Davis, was nearly violently ill. I thought I was done with being sick; not sure if it was motion sickness, as I don't usually get that on the subway, and I've been queasy on and off most of the time since then.
Got some genero-bismol in the drugstore in Davis, wandered to the gaming store (with a brief stop in another drugstore to see if they had clothespins) to get some mini paint for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
arawen, who mentioned that he intended to pick some up after tai chi and I figured I had an hour to kill before class so what the heck. I is good subbie. Or something.
Read some of the Joanna Russ book I picked up last week (I blamebelledame222) before class, essentially through it now. Fough nausea with a fortune cookie in the hope that a little more food would help it (maybe?). Handed arawen the paint when he arrived, got vast amusement in response as he'd decided to get some after dropping me at the subway earlier in the afternoon instead. Heh.
Had stupid polyangst meltdown very quietly in the corner.
My left leg hates me, but arguably not as much as my digestive system.
"Run through the form once to cool down, you pick which one" would be a much more useful suggestion if I knew more than one step of the one form. I did the one step a couple of times? Considered lapsing into Chosan instead, probably would have if not for aforementioned left leg hates me. Got asked about my flexibility, said flexibility not a problem, strength to support flexibility the problem; when I did a couple of front-kick-stance stretches the instructors agreed that yes, flexibility not the problem.
Hit major 'waugh, overloaded and stressy and still having stupid polyangst meltdown', wodged myself in between a couple of kick targets to feel less exposed and waited for people to stop instructioning. (Unsurprisingly, I find the constrained space soothing.) After actually leaving did a lot of not-melting-down, got asked what was up with me, spluttered incoherently, got some reassurance, probably did not damagearawen's fingers squeezing his hand though he did have to occasionally gently remind me that the gearshift needed to be worked.
Determined that rather than do the stuff I was going to do this evening when I got home, I should stay somewhere I could get snuggles untilteinedreugan could pick me up, so stayed at TI and had noodles and watched a couple of episodes of Newsradio, which mostly reads as a variant on WKRP to me.
Home now. Not doing any of the things I was going to do, because wiped. And queasy. Damnit.
Bed soon as I finish my catching up, I think.
The shrink was stealth difficult, hitting me with something that just kept going around and around. She was also impressed with my writing -- I handed her a printout of a description of my breakdown that I wrote a few months ago, and she visibly seesawed between 'wow, I want to savor this word choice' and '... ow'. And then latched on to the paragraph about my mother and asked me about it. Heh.
I also handed her another short just ... I don't want to have to say this out loud ... thing, and the lengthy and detailed description of the assault and the surrounding context I wrote three years ago. Because I can talk about that content, but I can't vocalise it. I wrote it down. That's enough.
Grabbed a liesurely late lunch, took the subway around to Davis, was nearly violently ill. I thought I was done with being sick; not sure if it was motion sickness, as I don't usually get that on the subway, and I've been queasy on and off most of the time since then.
Got some genero-bismol in the drugstore in Davis, wandered to the gaming store (with a brief stop in another drugstore to see if they had clothespins) to get some mini paint for
arawen, who mentioned that he intended to pick some up after tai chi and I figured I had an hour to kill before class so what the heck. I is good subbie. Or something.Read some of the Joanna Russ book I picked up last week (I blame
belledame222) before class, essentially through it now. Fough nausea with a fortune cookie in the hope that a little more food would help it (maybe?). Handed arawen the paint when he arrived, got vast amusement in response as he'd decided to get some after dropping me at the subway earlier in the afternoon instead. Heh.Had stupid polyangst meltdown very quietly in the corner.
My left leg hates me, but arguably not as much as my digestive system.
"Run through the form once to cool down, you pick which one" would be a much more useful suggestion if I knew more than one step of the one form. I did the one step a couple of times? Considered lapsing into Chosan instead, probably would have if not for aforementioned left leg hates me. Got asked about my flexibility, said flexibility not a problem, strength to support flexibility the problem; when I did a couple of front-kick-stance stretches the instructors agreed that yes, flexibility not the problem.
Hit major 'waugh, overloaded and stressy and still having stupid polyangst meltdown', wodged myself in between a couple of kick targets to feel less exposed and waited for people to stop instructioning. (Unsurprisingly, I find the constrained space soothing.) After actually leaving did a lot of not-melting-down, got asked what was up with me, spluttered incoherently, got some reassurance, probably did not damage
arawen's fingers squeezing his hand though he did have to occasionally gently remind me that the gearshift needed to be worked.Determined that rather than do the stuff I was going to do this evening when I got home, I should stay somewhere I could get snuggles until
teinedreugan could pick me up, so stayed at TI and had noodles and watched a couple of episodes of Newsradio, which mostly reads as a variant on WKRP to me.Home now. Not doing any of the things I was going to do, because wiped. And queasy. Damnit.
Bed soon as I finish my catching up, I think.
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