There's something . . .

[kiya]

. . . really, really . . . something . . . .

About feeling that one has a life that goes in broad, repeating patterns, later ones being more so than previous ones . . . .

And realizing that the places that things are ripping apart and dissolving right about now have a parallel back at the beginning (This is where we got the job, so this is. . . the beginning) in a relationship that . . . ended very badly . . . and which I only actually got over at the point at which I started the relationship that's . . . currently . . .

. . .

Addendum: eaten half a bowl of cereal without having the emotional distress surges that make me try throwing it back up. need to take vitamins. throwing things at the CD changer. current mood: numb.

Comments

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Cereal is good. I don't know what this is about, but if caring helps, please know that I do.

[kiya]

Thanks. . .

(What it's about is feeling like a relationship is falling apart in a way I've seen happen before, and dealing with the angst and hopeless . . . inevitability that comes of that for me. Knowing the tune, not knowing how to modulate it into a different key. . .)

[baratron.livejournal.com]

I'm really concerned for you. I was worried it might be some sort of relationship break-up when you wrote about something dissolving (I put a link to the post I meant there, but then saw this one is public whereas that one was friends-only, so took it out again).

I don't know what to say, but I am here if you want to speak to someone. Can even do international phone if that would help.

*hugs* if you want them.

[kiya]

Hugs are good. . . .

At the moment I'm . . . muddling through. Things aren't irrevocably broken, but they're not in really good shape, and whenever I try to think about prospects or ways of fixing it my mind shuts down on seeing how something similar went out from under me, with me investing in trying to fix it and . . . pfft.

The depression wants me to cut and run now, y'know?

This doesn't really help with the whole fixing thing. :/

Thanks for listening. . . .

[linenoise.livejournal.com]

At the moment I'm . . . muddling through. Things aren't irrevocably broken, but they're not in really good shape, and whenever I try to think about prospects or ways of fixing it my mind shuts down on seeing how something similar went out from under me, with me investing in trying to fix it and . . . pfft.

The depression wants me to cut and run now, y'know?

Ooof. Have t-shirt.

Caring and good-thoughts are winging their way towards you. I wish I had advice or something to send with 'em, but I haven't figured out how to smash that one yet, other than continue to muddle through. "This too shall pass".