But really: I spend a lot of time peering at the similarities and differences between my fairy-obsessed trans boys. They've both got a lot of me in them, obviously, but not 1:1 and boy are they different about it.
Like, Danny's physical dysphorias were all hardcore dissociation; he didn't notice them because he just exited from physical awareness. Body wrong so he will be outside and to the left! He had major voice dysphoria and that's one of the things that drove him to take his bardic gift into being an instrumentalist, because if he was playing the fiddle nobody was trying to drag him into the church choir.
Then he got his magic transition and he swapped from needing to be perceived as a man to having dysphoria about how the magic body he got was cis. Hence the adding of the scars from a surgery he never had as a necessary truth. And then he went from there to this complicated genderfluid/genderqueer guy who is absolutely willing to fuck with the concept of gender for the bit, or as necessary, and who can flip out about whether or not his vixen will go into heat properly next year because he's a ridiculous weirdo.
... and then he got the dysphoria about not having a tail...
Meanwhile Celyn's dysphorias start all very physical, but he's also an intensely physical person. (For all that I'm building him as a light spellcaster and doing a lot with that, all of his Stuff comes out very physical. He is "I got bored so I climbed something" "perpetual drummer" "many fidget" "must snuggle" "CAN I JUST STAB SOMETHING" physical.) He has a lot of very physical feelings about them, and is very physically aware of them and the managing of them.
And he doesn't have the potential for Danny's genderfuck flexibility even if he is a cleric of a chaos god. He is a man, he needs to be perceived as a man, he is doing it the hard way but he is doing it. And he's at the same time intensely trans-identified even when he's being largely (accidentally, because he doesn't bring things up unless they're relevant) stealth. (I mean the stealth is also him managing his massive social dysphoria but that's a side point really.)
But he's a man who's a light tenor, apparently. Not that he sings at all. (Unlike Danny.)
I learned that menopause comes with a voice drop the other day, which may be why I can hit as low as I can now....
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Date: 2025-01-21 12:42 am (UTC)Like, Danny's physical dysphorias were all hardcore dissociation; he didn't notice them because he just exited from physical awareness. Body wrong so he will be outside and to the left! He had major voice dysphoria and that's one of the things that drove him to take his bardic gift into being an instrumentalist, because if he was playing the fiddle nobody was trying to drag him into the church choir.
Then he got his magic transition and he swapped from needing to be perceived as a man to having dysphoria about how the magic body he got was cis. Hence the adding of the scars from a surgery he never had as a necessary truth. And then he went from there to this complicated genderfluid/genderqueer guy who is absolutely willing to fuck with the concept of gender for the bit, or as necessary, and who can flip out about whether or not his vixen will go into heat properly next year because he's a ridiculous weirdo.
... and then he got the dysphoria about not having a tail...
Meanwhile Celyn's dysphorias start all very physical, but he's also an intensely physical person. (For all that I'm building him as a light spellcaster and doing a lot with that, all of his Stuff comes out very physical. He is "I got bored so I climbed something" "perpetual drummer" "many fidget" "must snuggle" "CAN I JUST STAB SOMETHING" physical.) He has a lot of very physical feelings about them, and is very physically aware of them and the managing of them.
And he doesn't have the potential for Danny's genderfuck flexibility even if he is a cleric of a chaos god. He is a man, he needs to be perceived as a man, he is doing it the hard way but he is doing it. And he's at the same time intensely trans-identified even when he's being largely (accidentally, because he doesn't bring things up unless they're relevant) stealth. (I mean the stealth is also him managing his massive social dysphoria but that's a side point really.)
But he's a man who's a light tenor, apparently. Not that he sings at all. (Unlike Danny.)
I learned that menopause comes with a voice drop the other day, which may be why I can hit as low as I can now....