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Because not all stock rants are actually about matters of import and substance.
There is kind of a mythology in USonian advertising, at least, that one's car is an expression of one's personality, independence, and nature, that this communicates something. Perhaps something rugged, perhaps something dedicated to family, perhaps something sporty and flashy and adventuresome.
But when I look at the cars actually on the streets, what I see confirmed with reliability - by that standard of mythology, at least - is "This is a nation of boring conformists."
Beige car.
Grey car.
Grey-blue car.
Off-white car.
Grey car.
Black car.
Dull red car.
White car.
Beige car.
Baby blue! How exciting!
Beige car.
Tan car.
Black car.
RED CAR LOOK AT ME BEING SPECIALEST OF THEM ALL TA-DAH!
Beige car.
Black car.
Grey car.
So dark blue it's really black car.
Tan car.
Off-white car.
White car.
My child loves colors. And when she's talking about cars she sees, it's: "Bwack. Bwack. Wyyyyte. Bwow. Bwack. WAD! Wyyyyte." A constant stream of this, with nary a "Bwoo!" or a "Yah-yah!" to be heard.
I fucking cheer the line of cars that appears to only sell in burnt orange and plum.
How the fuck do people find their cars in parking lots? "It's the ... beige sedan. Between the white SUV and the black hatchback, at least when I parked it."
And I know that part of the problem is that in order to get a car that's actually interesting or distinctive color-wise one generally has to go get the damn thing entirely repainted at a cost of umpty-lump, so people just pick from boring, bland, dull, unobtrusive, and inoffensive in the lot and don't go to the extra effort and expense. Perfectly reasonable; extra expense is extra.
But I still want a world where someone has a peacock-green iridescent minivan with stars on it. (Possibly me.) Where there are actually colours out on the highway, even godawful ones like lime green, rather than an endless stream of blah punctuated by the occasional flash of something interesting. Where the mythology of automotive personality actually lets someone be "raspberry metallic" if they fucking want to be pink.
There is kind of a mythology in USonian advertising, at least, that one's car is an expression of one's personality, independence, and nature, that this communicates something. Perhaps something rugged, perhaps something dedicated to family, perhaps something sporty and flashy and adventuresome.
But when I look at the cars actually on the streets, what I see confirmed with reliability - by that standard of mythology, at least - is "This is a nation of boring conformists."
Beige car.
Grey car.
Grey-blue car.
Off-white car.
Grey car.
Black car.
Dull red car.
White car.
Beige car.
Baby blue! How exciting!
Beige car.
Tan car.
Black car.
RED CAR LOOK AT ME BEING SPECIALEST OF THEM ALL TA-DAH!
Beige car.
Black car.
Grey car.
So dark blue it's really black car.
Tan car.
Off-white car.
White car.
My child loves colors. And when she's talking about cars she sees, it's: "Bwack. Bwack. Wyyyyte. Bwow. Bwack. WAD! Wyyyyte." A constant stream of this, with nary a "Bwoo!" or a "Yah-yah!" to be heard.
I fucking cheer the line of cars that appears to only sell in burnt orange and plum.
How the fuck do people find their cars in parking lots? "It's the ... beige sedan. Between the white SUV and the black hatchback, at least when I parked it."
And I know that part of the problem is that in order to get a car that's actually interesting or distinctive color-wise one generally has to go get the damn thing entirely repainted at a cost of umpty-lump, so people just pick from boring, bland, dull, unobtrusive, and inoffensive in the lot and don't go to the extra effort and expense. Perfectly reasonable; extra expense is extra.
But I still want a world where someone has a peacock-green iridescent minivan with stars on it. (Possibly me.) Where there are actually colours out on the highway, even godawful ones like lime green, rather than an endless stream of blah punctuated by the occasional flash of something interesting. Where the mythology of automotive personality actually lets someone be "raspberry metallic" if they fucking want to be pink.
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I wanted black. They didn't have black. So I got grey. I would have loved forest green if it had been available.
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