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In various levels of sketchy detail, really.
Friday was tremendously frazzled, but I got everything done that I needed to.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
teinedreugan and I packed up the car and drove up to Manchester to meet queenofhalves, who called as we were pulling into the parking lot. The only food sources open were the McDonald's and the Dunkin Donuts, which caused us a certain amount of dithering. Ima's flight was late getting in, so we sat around talking about miscellaneous random things -- the work, life, the universe, everything -- until it seemed likely she would arrive, then wandered over to the gate, met her there, and returned to the car for the remaining part of the trip, getting in about midnight. Various people got let into various rooms, I chatted with a sleepy laurelinde while preparing for bed, and then attempted to sleep. (Succeeding, though only intermittently.)
Saturday:
Made it to Claudia's with only mild levels of mishap and going on an explore. Settled into corner, said hello to people. It's good that I've finally gotten to a point of comfortable working (after last quarter's meltdown) so I didn't feel tense about the social aspects of this weekend. (And since it was last quarter that was stressing me out with regards to the work, I was feeling pretty mellow about the work.)
yezida was working on a chant as we were doing the milling about:
and I wound up drawing ab-jars in my journal. I can work with this notion.
I think I want, when I get myself organised, to craft a heart-glyph shaped jar and to use it to store natron. The symbolism of that strikes me as really damn cool, not to mention being good magic.
Cup work was noted as compassion, dreams, and emotions, and cited as the key to integrity.yezida mentioned that she doesn't use the heterosexual polarity imagery (and was not taught it) of cup and blade, but more on that later.
Quote: "Many Buddhist teachers have described compassion as the ability to act freely and accurately in all situations." --Issan Dorsey
In that conversation about compassion I wound up mentioning certain habits of kicking people in the head as is necessary and correct.
I also wound up with some image-thoughts about the sacred lotus as a cup image; I will probably explore this on my own at some point.
We did meditation sitting with Water Maker, and I wound up with a strong image for the first time in these, and nickedlaurelinde's pencils for drawing a sketch of it. (I had a lot of intense meditational work this weekend.) The arch of the sky was a glowing half-sphere of blue light, sharp-edged at the bottom, spangled with stars that melted near the edge into the flow of water that flowed into a humanoid figure. (More on this later, as well.) My textual notes on the drawing are "The waterfall that flows off the trailing edge of the firmament" and "Mind the undertow".
queenofhalves thanked me for my habit of providing her with protein. :)
We did meditational work on the connections between the three souls and the heart, and I wound up with some cryptic images that I still haven't sorted out and a fairly alarming tarot reading (with a lot of 'I don't know how to value things properly' and 'Chasing illusions', concluding in a central 'Need to go think about this stuff.'). I wound up askinglady_and_lion to do a reading for me later -- she got one that was completely different, but which also contained the Hermit (thinking about this and deep wisdom); I could see what her cards were pointing at, but so different from my stuff. Back to reality problems again, and my shocking inability to form a sane sense of perspective.
We went up the hill to do some cup/temperance work, which was stunningly cold (mostly because of the whole pouring water from one cup to the other in New Hampshire in January bit). Mixing essences of love and hate was an interesting exercise; I got more out of the post-processing on the mixing people thing, probably in part because I didn't really have a good sense of who to select on one of them. Then we contemplated deep desires and stamped sigils of them into the snow (lots of water available for that work); I wound up drawing a lot of radiant lines around my images, because whatever else, I am looking for the luminous.
We did some more meditational work around emotional patterns, and I wound up writing this comment on what I dredged up:
More on this later.
Things were fairly low-key for a while surrounding dinner -- this is wherelady_and_lion read for me -- because we were waiting for Bonnie and Appletree to return from the hospital. Fortunately, Bonnie was all right, and we reconvened for the major ritual working. Also, I really like gruyere cheese.
Which would be, y'know, later.
I've been trying to figure out what I need to say about this for a bit, because there was a lot of stuff in here; I'm just going to ramble.
In the darkness, the trees are luminous, like crystals; what little light there is is magnified by the cold. I took off my glasses -- the world there was full of little flames and the motion of bodies -- remembering an old sentiment of mine, "I'm trying to See, I can See better with my eyes shut." Anna and Arddu are guides, but They leave no tracks in the snow, just the sense of trail; They are not shapes or forms in my path. I don't know if I left tracks in the snow either, though.
There are canines near me, circling me, and I wonder if this is some sort of mark of a huntsman or, because They appeared as we approached the portal, those familiar Jackals who have sent me through many a mysterious door.
This door was set into the side of a hill, like a barrow, and its posts and lintel were made of bone. The space between was a warm purple vortex of blackness.
As I stopped, as the drum stopped, I considered the weights of burdens, and was distracted -- quite lengthily -- by the feel of something wound around my arm. I am not certain quite what it was, though my first images of it were of a silver chain with very fine links. (I think here ofalhandra's trance experiences, a little.) I needed to give up a burden, and I considered that, but it was the wrong choice -- this chain, whatever it is, wrapped around Power and Liberty, is mine.
I turned to the gods -- They were standing, half-formed, to the left of the ramp down into the dark -- and tried to shrug away a protective cloak woven heavy and thick from fears.
I didn't know how to take it off, and I didn't know how to let go of it.
I eventually pulled a thread loose of it and gave that to Them. If I keep going, it will unravel, as They hold that thread firm.
That was enough; I went through the door and into the presence of the Star Goddess.
Here is where the nonverbality gets confounding. I can say that the process of being filled to overflowing with starlight was exactly the same image as the stars melting into the form of Water Maker, the flowing shift of the firmament. One also gets into the whole cup-as-feminine-receptive thing, because the whole thing was tremendously erotic (and a good sign that I'm clearing out my Sex point that I could perceive that; I don't think I'd have gotten there three months ago) and wound up sending bits of my mind off towards contemplations of Goddess-as-lover and similar things.
Crossing to the gate on the far side of this space -- which my brain really wants to parse as the Duat or something like it -- I wound up feeling aware of the tugging of the unravelling thread of fear. I also came out onto the other side feeling feral. My sense of personal motion was quadripedal, I could feel the earth against my forepaws, and I really, really wanted to bite something. Probably on the scruff of the neck to hold it still. Ahem. That sense of animal-nature continued untilyezida grabbed my hand, at which point a bit of my brain seemed to figure that meant that I should probably have hands, and I wound up slowly blending back to hominid. Though still wanting to bite things.
Sunday:
Checkin on the ritual. Which I still wasn't sure how to talk about. (I have more thoughts about it, but the above is what was verbal.) Many people complimented Martin on his drumming, which was spectacular.
Pearl Pent work all Sunday. I wound up singing bits of "I Like Life" in comments on the Love point -- "I like life, life likes me, life and I fairly fully agree" -- and got Lilith (and Claudia?) joining me. (Later they got me with the "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" song stuck in my head, so I suppose that's only fair.)
Law work brought me to a further commitment to work on fears -- fears of time and meaningfulness in specific -- which means that I will likely be pointing out various of same on and off as seems appropriate. I talked about should vulnerabilities a bit, and some other things.
Knowledge exercise was amusing and, while lighthearted, fairly intense. I think my most important comment there was "I know how to hold my secrets."
When discussing Liberty point I mentioned the centered power leading to freedom from undue influence martial arts metaphor I used when talking tojenett a while back. Claudia had a really good comment about how button-pushed responses aren't acting from a place of power, but being locked into patterns of response. (And to tie that into my own obsessive stuff for the nonce, most of my button-pushed responses are protective knee-jerks around fears, I think.)
Quotes:
"A rut is a grave with no end."
"Liberty is the power to do as you ought." (As distinguished from "license".)
Passion/wisdom work was quiet. My water had little distracting bits floating in it. I suspect this is indicative of something. It made me laugh.
teinedreugan got there as we were breaking up circle, so we got people packed into the car and brought Ima and yezida to the airport.
Friday was tremendously frazzled, but I got everything done that I needed to.
teinedreugan and I packed up the car and drove up to Manchester to meet queenofhalves, who called as we were pulling into the parking lot. The only food sources open were the McDonald's and the Dunkin Donuts, which caused us a certain amount of dithering. Ima's flight was late getting in, so we sat around talking about miscellaneous random things -- the work, life, the universe, everything -- until it seemed likely she would arrive, then wandered over to the gate, met her there, and returned to the car for the remaining part of the trip, getting in about midnight. Various people got let into various rooms, I chatted with a sleepy laurelinde while preparing for bed, and then attempted to sleep. (Succeeding, though only intermittently.)Saturday:
Made it to Claudia's with only mild levels of mishap and going on an explore. Settled into corner, said hello to people. It's good that I've finally gotten to a point of comfortable working (after last quarter's meltdown) so I didn't feel tense about the social aspects of this weekend. (And since it was last quarter that was stressing me out with regards to the work, I was feeling pretty mellow about the work.)
yezida was working on a chant as we were doing the milling about:- The cup holds your heart
Your heart holds the world
Open to love
Open to joy
Open to love
Open to sorrow
and I wound up drawing ab-jars in my journal. I can work with this notion.
I think I want, when I get myself organised, to craft a heart-glyph shaped jar and to use it to store natron. The symbolism of that strikes me as really damn cool, not to mention being good magic.
Cup work was noted as compassion, dreams, and emotions, and cited as the key to integrity.
yezida mentioned that she doesn't use the heterosexual polarity imagery (and was not taught it) of cup and blade, but more on that later.Quote: "Many Buddhist teachers have described compassion as the ability to act freely and accurately in all situations." --Issan Dorsey
In that conversation about compassion I wound up mentioning certain habits of kicking people in the head as is necessary and correct.
I also wound up with some image-thoughts about the sacred lotus as a cup image; I will probably explore this on my own at some point.
We did meditation sitting with Water Maker, and I wound up with a strong image for the first time in these, and nicked
laurelinde's pencils for drawing a sketch of it. (I had a lot of intense meditational work this weekend.) The arch of the sky was a glowing half-sphere of blue light, sharp-edged at the bottom, spangled with stars that melted near the edge into the flow of water that flowed into a humanoid figure. (More on this later, as well.) My textual notes on the drawing are "The waterfall that flows off the trailing edge of the firmament" and "Mind the undertow".queenofhalves thanked me for my habit of providing her with protein. :)We did meditational work on the connections between the three souls and the heart, and I wound up with some cryptic images that I still haven't sorted out and a fairly alarming tarot reading (with a lot of 'I don't know how to value things properly' and 'Chasing illusions', concluding in a central 'Need to go think about this stuff.'). I wound up asking
lady_and_lion to do a reading for me later -- she got one that was completely different, but which also contained the Hermit (thinking about this and deep wisdom); I could see what her cards were pointing at, but so different from my stuff. Back to reality problems again, and my shocking inability to form a sane sense of perspective.We went up the hill to do some cup/temperance work, which was stunningly cold (mostly because of the whole pouring water from one cup to the other in New Hampshire in January bit). Mixing essences of love and hate was an interesting exercise; I got more out of the post-processing on the mixing people thing, probably in part because I didn't really have a good sense of who to select on one of them. Then we contemplated deep desires and stamped sigils of them into the snow (lots of water available for that work); I wound up drawing a lot of radiant lines around my images, because whatever else, I am looking for the luminous.
We did some more meditational work around emotional patterns, and I wound up writing this comment on what I dredged up:
It's stunning how much of my life is shaped by fear.
Fear of loss. Fear of change. Fear of betrayal. Fear of meaning.
I fear mattering.
I fear losing what I have in trying to fix it or make it better.
I fear not knowing what is real.
Things were fairly low-key for a while surrounding dinner -- this is where
lady_and_lion read for me -- because we were waiting for Bonnie and Appletree to return from the hospital. Fortunately, Bonnie was all right, and we reconvened for the major ritual working. Also, I really like gruyere cheese.Which would be, y'know, later.
I've been trying to figure out what I need to say about this for a bit, because there was a lot of stuff in here; I'm just going to ramble.
In the darkness, the trees are luminous, like crystals; what little light there is is magnified by the cold. I took off my glasses -- the world there was full of little flames and the motion of bodies -- remembering an old sentiment of mine, "I'm trying to See, I can See better with my eyes shut." Anna and Arddu are guides, but They leave no tracks in the snow, just the sense of trail; They are not shapes or forms in my path. I don't know if I left tracks in the snow either, though.
There are canines near me, circling me, and I wonder if this is some sort of mark of a huntsman or, because They appeared as we approached the portal, those familiar Jackals who have sent me through many a mysterious door.
This door was set into the side of a hill, like a barrow, and its posts and lintel were made of bone. The space between was a warm purple vortex of blackness.
As I stopped, as the drum stopped, I considered the weights of burdens, and was distracted -- quite lengthily -- by the feel of something wound around my arm. I am not certain quite what it was, though my first images of it were of a silver chain with very fine links. (I think here of
alhandra's trance experiences, a little.) I needed to give up a burden, and I considered that, but it was the wrong choice -- this chain, whatever it is, wrapped around Power and Liberty, is mine.I turned to the gods -- They were standing, half-formed, to the left of the ramp down into the dark -- and tried to shrug away a protective cloak woven heavy and thick from fears.
I didn't know how to take it off, and I didn't know how to let go of it.
I eventually pulled a thread loose of it and gave that to Them. If I keep going, it will unravel, as They hold that thread firm.
That was enough; I went through the door and into the presence of the Star Goddess.
Here is where the nonverbality gets confounding. I can say that the process of being filled to overflowing with starlight was exactly the same image as the stars melting into the form of Water Maker, the flowing shift of the firmament. One also gets into the whole cup-as-feminine-receptive thing, because the whole thing was tremendously erotic (and a good sign that I'm clearing out my Sex point that I could perceive that; I don't think I'd have gotten there three months ago) and wound up sending bits of my mind off towards contemplations of Goddess-as-lover and similar things.
Crossing to the gate on the far side of this space -- which my brain really wants to parse as the Duat or something like it -- I wound up feeling aware of the tugging of the unravelling thread of fear. I also came out onto the other side feeling feral. My sense of personal motion was quadripedal, I could feel the earth against my forepaws, and I really, really wanted to bite something. Probably on the scruff of the neck to hold it still. Ahem. That sense of animal-nature continued until
yezida grabbed my hand, at which point a bit of my brain seemed to figure that meant that I should probably have hands, and I wound up slowly blending back to hominid. Though still wanting to bite things.Sunday:
Checkin on the ritual. Which I still wasn't sure how to talk about. (I have more thoughts about it, but the above is what was verbal.) Many people complimented Martin on his drumming, which was spectacular.
Pearl Pent work all Sunday. I wound up singing bits of "I Like Life" in comments on the Love point -- "I like life, life likes me, life and I fairly fully agree" -- and got Lilith (and Claudia?) joining me. (Later they got me with the "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" song stuck in my head, so I suppose that's only fair.)
Law work brought me to a further commitment to work on fears -- fears of time and meaningfulness in specific -- which means that I will likely be pointing out various of same on and off as seems appropriate. I talked about should vulnerabilities a bit, and some other things.
Knowledge exercise was amusing and, while lighthearted, fairly intense. I think my most important comment there was "I know how to hold my secrets."
When discussing Liberty point I mentioned the centered power leading to freedom from undue influence martial arts metaphor I used when talking to
jenett a while back. Claudia had a really good comment about how button-pushed responses aren't acting from a place of power, but being locked into patterns of response. (And to tie that into my own obsessive stuff for the nonce, most of my button-pushed responses are protective knee-jerks around fears, I think.)Quotes:
"A rut is a grave with no end."
"Liberty is the power to do as you ought." (As distinguished from "license".)
Passion/wisdom work was quiet. My water had little distracting bits floating in it. I suspect this is indicative of something. It made me laugh.
teinedreugan got there as we were breaking up circle, so we got people packed into the car and brought Ima and yezida to the airport.
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From:
Thanks for the write-up...
Sorry about the "So Long And Thanks For All The Fish" stuck-in-your-headness, but you're entirely correct...after the "I Like Life" thing, ya had it coming... ;>
From:
Re: Thanks for the write-up...
I'm really glad that it's being useful to people. I think I nearly posted a link to the Fire weekend summary to the list, but was feeling shy and insecure about it and so decided against.
From:
no subject