Still busy.

Went to see the third Matrix movie this afternoon with teinedreugan, keshwyn, jikharra, arawen, and whispercricket this afternoon. Met autumnesquirrel and a few folks who I don't believe have LJs for dinner afters. Went to Yorq and hung out, tried to take a picture of the eclipse, failed, played a game in which jikharra kicked my ass (and teinedreugan's too), sat around in large piles of people and had a Foot Fetish Festival of sorts. Badger badger badger.

So that was the day.

Came home, caught up on usenet, temple board, SDMB, and LJ. Wrote 1118 words, which is all of section 49. And not a bad level of output for someone who has had a horrible screaming headache all evening.

My requirement for November (write something every day) is met. My bonus-points thing for it has also been met (try to beat my average daily wordcount for November each day) has also been met; my goal for that purpose bumps from 757 today to 802 for tomorrow. (Which I probably won't make unless I do two sections, since tomorrow's an even.)

My exploding head and I are going to bed now.

See also 'vast, pathetic vistas of self-expression'.

Martian anthropology strikes again.

So a fair number of people are discussing gendering at the moment. Most of these people aren't actually people whose journals I read regularly, but a couple of people whose journals I do read regularly have been commenting upon same with occasional links back.

I have a weird sort of interaction with matters of gender.

On ap, the standard of politeness is to use 'zie' or other gender-neutral pronouns for folks who one's not aware of preference for. When this gets used on me, it drives me completely insane. I consider GNP useful for people whose gender is unknown, unspecified, or other; my gender is none of these. Being identified as a 'he' is several (perhaps five or six) orders of magnitude more accurate than being referred to as a 'zie'. It actually has components of 'true' to it.

Most of the time I'm comfortable accepting 'female' as a word that describes me. I can't say I identify as female; it isn't a matter that has that much sfik-value for me. I've always had the basic attitude-feeling that if I do it, it has to be the sort of thing that women do, more or less.

Except.

Except.

When I'm spending time with women -- with Earth-woman-gendered-women -- I often wind up feeling like I'm doing the whole woman thing somehow wrong.

(This thought comes out in pretty simple trigonometry; for those people who run screaming from mathematics, I apologise; I can't do it any better.)

Unit circle centered on the origin; X-axis female-ness, Y-axis maleness. I'm not on either of the axes; I'm up about thirty degrees or so. I have a distinct, specified, very clear gender, located somewhere about half root-3 X + .5 Y, and when I'm near women who're near 1 on X, I'm clearly not fulfilling what womanness is by comparison, because I've got an angle there that I'm taking the cosine of to get there. Unit length falls short.

My gender is not unknown, unspecified, or other; it's just . . . a bit irrational.

"She" is close enough for everyday use. Call it about 86.6% accurate.