Brooding.

I'm brooding, lately. I think there's some fundamental restlessness or dissatisfaction somewhere deep in my psyche that's trying really hard to manifest, and can't figure out what shape it is. It's worrying me some; I don't know whether it will decide that the bathtub really needs cleaning or that I need to move to Topeka to sell candlesticks. Or something.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling utterly unrooted. My sense of connection to my family is iffy; I'm even having trouble making meaningful contact with teinedreugan. And I'm writing this down here because I know he'll read it and maybe that'll make a difference that I can't manage to express face-to-face, because I get to the place where I'm trying to express something and it just comes out I miss you in my head, and . . . that . . . it's wrong. It's the wrong sentiment, for all it's the closest I can get in English.

And I can't even approach how I'm feeling with brooksmoses at all. It's got some of that in it, and other stuff. . . and . . . . Bleah. There goes the ability to say any damn thing at all. It comes out I miss you and that's wrong, not because it's not true, but because it's not enough.

If this broodiness actually inspired me in the direction of something meaningful, that'd be one thing. Though today I had that conversation with oneironaut about linguistics, and I think I've more or less figured out what Dawn gets in her attempt at translation, so I can maybe write that next bit. This will still be a short chapter, I think. So that was something that I needed to brood over that got done.

Just . . . detached. Not even a self-protective detached, which I would at least know how to deal with.

Happy shnakie.

So moderately recently on alt.callahans, someone posted a reference to what was cited as a fairly spiffy pet-supplies catalog thingy. And I went and spent a while poking through it looking at reptile supplies and cat supplies and peering wistfully at the birdie stuff, and after consultation with teinedreugan went and placed an order.

It arrived today. One (1) pot of cat grass in the hopes that when it sprouts the boys will eat it instead of my coffee plant and my grapevine. One (1) doorknob-hanger sisal scratching toy in the hopes that the boys will stop attempting to shred the bannister. And one (1) reptile-habitat humidifier.

Y'see, it's too dry for Kunda; he hasn't been shedding well since we got him, and when he does shed he gets dehydrated. I don't think a humidity box is liable to be sufficient for him, so when I saw the humidifier, I said, "Hmmm." The arrival provoked a massive cleaning of the vivarium as I hit a critical mass of tuits, since if I was going to install the humidifier, I clearly needed to do it in a clean tank.

teinedreugan has a text-pager since he's on call for the satellite, and so I can email him, and I did asking him if he knew where an old mousepad was. This satisfied my need to page him with something deeply perplexing every so often, and it actually made sense when I pointed out that I wanted to put the pump on it so the vibrations wouldn't transfer up to the viv. :) (I swiped the current mousepad after consultation.)

Maybe I'm getting better.

261 words.

One packet of seeds planted.

Snake tank cleaned and humidifier installed.

No panels painted.

Snuggled with teinedreugan.

And now, off to talk with brooksmoses.

A not unproductive day.