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Same source as the last one, more or less.
I'm wondering if there's some serious paradigmage problem between people who think it's natural to use 'lifestyle' or (gag) 'lovestyle', and those who find that the terminology makes them come all over squirmy. I have no idea if this is one of those monkeybrain-make-patterns things or no.
I have no idea how much my prejudices are kicking in here, neither. But my lifestyle happens to involve mostly a lot of books, largely these days in stacks on the floor. It has to do a great deal with whether or not there's milk in the house at the moment (today there is). It has to do with addressing the guilt of working at home but not actually getting any work done. It has to do with going down to the pet store on route one proper (the good one) and talking to the finches.
Having more than one partner doesn't "reflect the attitudes and values" of this particular person, and I'm not sure I'm validly considered a member of a group; certainly the majority of the ones that might legitimately claim me don't share my attitudes and values!
Some might argue that there's some attitude or value in choosing to express that orientation or what have you; I can't see it, personally. It might express being willing to take action on one's orientation as an attitude or value, I suppose, but that seems to be pushing it; I'd be willing to consider being out or not as something that could be construed as a lifestyle choice, though.
I'm not sure what it means to me to contemplate the simple fact of having more than one relationship as an expression of an attitude, though I've seen people who give me something of that impression: the attitude they're conveying to me at least is often distinctly countercultural, rather than anything to do with polyamory itself that I can see.
But I'm wondering, now, if it's the lifestyle-folk who think that polyamory has to Mean Something. And I'm wondering if the feeling I get from some people that they're . . . the phrase I don't want is doing some expression of going-through-a-phaseness . . . is that they're using the poly thing to express some inner somethingorother, some attitude, some vision. And someone who expresses possessiveness, or who is poly for other than pure and unsullied altruisms, or someone who experiences jealousy, or who wants sex, or who doesn't want sex, they're not generating the Correct And Representational Values. They're perverting the lifestyle to some weird purpose. They're cheating the thoughtmode by which polyamory is a lifestyle, an expression of values, by not expressing the values that It's All About.
I don't know how much my perceived correlation of that word-usage to my perception of that attitude is linked up; it's one of those things that fits my biases rather sweetly. But it's a thought that might actually make sense of some people to me, even if they don't use the word.
I'm wondering if there's some serious paradigmage problem between people who think it's natural to use 'lifestyle' or (gag) 'lovestyle', and those who find that the terminology makes them come all over squirmy. I have no idea if this is one of those monkeybrain-make-patterns things or no.
I have no idea how much my prejudices are kicking in here, neither. But my lifestyle happens to involve mostly a lot of books, largely these days in stacks on the floor. It has to do a great deal with whether or not there's milk in the house at the moment (today there is). It has to do with addressing the guilt of working at home but not actually getting any work done. It has to do with going down to the pet store on route one proper (the good one) and talking to the finches.
Having more than one partner doesn't "reflect the attitudes and values" of this particular person, and I'm not sure I'm validly considered a member of a group; certainly the majority of the ones that might legitimately claim me don't share my attitudes and values!
Some might argue that there's some attitude or value in choosing to express that orientation or what have you; I can't see it, personally. It might express being willing to take action on one's orientation as an attitude or value, I suppose, but that seems to be pushing it; I'd be willing to consider being out or not as something that could be construed as a lifestyle choice, though.
I'm not sure what it means to me to contemplate the simple fact of having more than one relationship as an expression of an attitude, though I've seen people who give me something of that impression: the attitude they're conveying to me at least is often distinctly countercultural, rather than anything to do with polyamory itself that I can see.
But I'm wondering, now, if it's the lifestyle-folk who think that polyamory has to Mean Something. And I'm wondering if the feeling I get from some people that they're . . . the phrase I don't want is doing some expression of going-through-a-phaseness . . . is that they're using the poly thing to express some inner somethingorother, some attitude, some vision. And someone who expresses possessiveness, or who is poly for other than pure and unsullied altruisms, or someone who experiences jealousy, or who wants sex, or who doesn't want sex, they're not generating the Correct And Representational Values. They're perverting the lifestyle to some weird purpose. They're cheating the thoughtmode by which polyamory is a lifestyle, an expression of values, by not expressing the values that It's All About.
I don't know how much my perceived correlation of that word-usage to my perception of that attitude is linked up; it's one of those things that fits my biases rather sweetly. But it's a thought that might actually make sense of some people to me, even if they don't use the word.
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From:
no subject
When I think of "my lifestyle," I think of the clothes I wear, the way I talk, the food I eat, where I go and what I do. I don't think of myself as having a "poly lifestyle." It's just my life, y'know? I don't think I'm More Highly Evolved than people who aren't poly - I'm happy, it'd be neat if everybody could be happy.
And... yeah. I don't think I'm adding much coherently to your comments. ;)
From:
no subject
I'm trying to decide if this is useful to me, given that I now have a denotational meaning for "There's more than one way to have a poly lifestyle": "There's more than one way to manifest through polyamory a given set of Attitudes". (This thought was provoked by that sentence on ap intersecting with my reactions to the forum here in the wake of That Argument.)
I'm trying to figure out if the political-lifestyle-through-polyamory folk-I-perceive seem more likely to me to have a certain . . . binary? attitude toward some things. Jealousy precludes poly, bisexuality requires it, proper religious beliefs etc. etc. . . .
It's seemed to me somewhat that the binary-ists get, urm. . . more offended or wound up by disagreement --I can't win; the other light in the kitchen just went out --than makes sense to me if there aren't axioms of some sort involved.
If some people feel intrinsically that polyamory is a derived-thing, an expression, then challenging the things that they think it derives from could be . . . an attack on the validity of the thing-itself? Which, gotten from other polyfolk, probably carries aspects of betrayal in it.
This bird's still groping towards coherence, as was probably obvious.