That classic dating model? It produces results where each guy winds up with the highest status woman who will say yes to him when he asks, where each gal winds up with the least unacceptable choice out of those have have asked and net yet been refused. (since you don't know who is going to ask tomorrow, two weeks from now, or later tonight, this is a terrifically difficult optimization problem on the "asked" side.) One should note that this is in no way a symmetrical situation.
What that dating model does in an environment where the female-type people don't feel compelled to wait to be asked isn't worth the trouble of its strictures.
You might-maybe want to think about your choice of language around "obtain a girlfriend", too. Generally speaking, for a relationship of equals, "some things we have chosen to do together" models (with the things being specifically negotiated, rather than left to social default) work much better than mutual possession models. (Non-mutual possession models are right out!)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: it's not complicated
Date: 2007-05-14 12:41 pm (UTC)Couple other points, then --
That classic dating model? It produces results where each guy winds up with the highest status woman who will say yes to him when he asks, where each gal winds up with the least unacceptable choice out of those have have asked and net yet been refused. (since you don't know who is going to ask tomorrow, two weeks from now, or later tonight, this is a terrifically difficult optimization problem on the "asked" side.) One should note that this is in no way a symmetrical situation.
What that dating model does in an environment where the female-type people don't feel compelled to wait to be asked isn't worth the trouble of its strictures.
You might-maybe want to think about your choice of language around "obtain a girlfriend", too. Generally speaking, for a relationship of equals, "some things we have chosen to do together" models (with the things being specifically negotiated, rather than left to social default) work much better than mutual possession models. (Non-mutual possession models are right out!)
-- Graydon