Naked Beneath My Clothes: Meditations on Power

[kiya]

I need to thrash at this concept until I get it into an essay, I think, but I'm making a note of the seeds of it so I don't lose it entire.

oneironaut and I were talking about power exchange relationships and related stuff, and responses to the possession of power, power and ma'at. Or what arawen sometimes refers to as "If I don't take good care of my toys, I don't get to play with them anymore."

There's something heady about having someone else in a position of vulnerability, by whatever means. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things whether it's kink, whether it's economic power, whether it's social power, physical capacity, spiritual knowledge, anything else: the mere fact of the capacity to do is a drug. And it's not a drug everyone has the skill to handle well. (And the toxicity of the drug depends, I think, somewhat, on whether or not the vulnerability is more chosen than coerced.)

Is the response to an exposed vulnerability to raise up, to work it synergistically, to hold that position to keep access to the drug? Any exposed vulnerability is an intimacy -- this is heavy currency in d/s, but it's also one of those flows of political stress that comes of being an oppressed minority, forced to be constantly more exposed, more intimate, to more people, with less consent, less freedom to say "I don't want to be naked here." Is that intimacy cherished, loved, protected, or is it played for personal advantage? Is it an intimacy that people can refuse to have if they don't want to be exposed, or don't want to be a party to someone else's exposure? (And that goes off into questions of [fitb] privilege rather handily -- not only the confidence of being able to lay a hand on a shirt, but the ability to not notice when other people are stripped, to step away from the whole question.)

My experience of d/s situations is that they make these reactions, the responses to power and exposure, all very immediate and present. oneironaut and I exchanged "You know who you really are when" comments about it -- the whole question of whether or not the jump when granted intense, extensive power over another person is towards ma'at or away. It's always, always, always going to be a drug, but there are good trips and bad trips, and good ways of dealing with the chemistry and bad ones.

I come around to my tendency towards fealty models, exchange of powers, interdependent obligations.

And I come around to, sometimes, choosing to be naked beneath everything, because I show myself who I really am.

(Words aren't coming out quite right. Oh well.)

(ETA: This is partly related to discussion linked from takingsteps, too.)

Comments

[elynne.livejournal.com]

There's something heady about having someone else in a position of vulnerability, by whatever means. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things whether it's kink, whether it's economic power, whether it's social power, physical capacity, spiritual knowledge, anything else...

... oh. Oh. That's why doing tattoo work on other people was so damn - heady. Crazy-powerful. Huge huge responsibility, terrifying fear of mistakes/failure, and so much dark red deep joy. Blood-magic is inherently fierce.

And it also resonates in giving Tarot readings for people; similar feeling, but fleeting, brief and delicate as butterfly wings.

Very interesting thoughts... and Djhwty reminded me the other day, that he's still there, and the door is still open, when I'm ready to step through it. I think I'm a lot closer to ready than I have been in a good long time.

[kiya]

Oh yeah, the power to *mark up someone's flesh in a permanent fashion* would be a drug, all right. :}

[ibnfirnas.livejournal.com]

I had a friend who loved loved loved getting inked, and she once wrote me something about the heady, erotic, fierce, blood-magic thrill of it. I...may have said something to the effect of "I'll be in my bunk."

[pinkpolarity.livejournal.com]

Read link to thing you're partially commenting on. Googled to figure out who the heck this "Twisty" person is. Want to know who I have to sue to get the last half hour of my life back.

[ibnfirnas.livejournal.com]

So far, everyone in those discussions who's found out that I read all the way through her gang's sheepdip has offered me a drink.
Maybe you should just hand another hour over to fun and wash it all out of your head.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

it's also one of those flows of political stress that comes of being an oppressed minority, forced to be constantly more exposed, more intimate, to more people, with less consent, less freedom to say "I don't want to be naked here." Is that intimacy cherished, loved, protected, or is it played for personal advantage?

Thought-provoking way of putting it. Thank you.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

...being an oppressed minority, forced to be constantly more exposed, more intimate, to more people, with less consent, less freedom to say "I don't want to be naked here."

YES!!! This is exactly what I was trying to get at in a recent conversation on the theferret's blog about racism vs. general asshattery from idiots.

Words.

N.

[kiya]

I'm really glad you feel I got that right; some of the context I was pondering with that is the tension I saw discussed between mainstream feminism (as presented and dominated by white professionals) and the form of feminism put forth by brownfemipower, and the issues people were trying to raise there in response to someone in the discussion I was reading.

Naked Beneath My Clothes: Meditations on Power

[(Anonymous)]

oneironaut and I were talking about power exchange relationships and related stuff, and responses to the possession of power, power and ma'at.

Interesting- something I’ve had on my mind of late as well…

(tho not in relation to Ma’at- I’d have some interest on hearing perspectives on the topic from that angle)


There's something heady about having someone else in a position of vulnerability, by whatever means. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things whether it's kink, whether it's economic power, whether it's social power, physical capacity, spiritual knowledge, anything else: the mere fact of the capacity to do is a drug. And it's not a drug everyone has the skill to handle well.

Indeed so. I, myself, have a rather intense phobia regarding assuming positions of power in relation to others, hence I try to avoid it whenever possibly and not exercise it unless absolutely necessary on the rare occasions when I do have to take on such a role.

I find the “drug” effect quite disquieting, and the notion of what I may have within my capacity disturbs me. I do admit that I believe that any given human ultimately has the capacity for *any* kind of behaviour under the right circumstances, and that it come down more to how easily said behaviour comes to one. I like to think of it more as a game I could play and nothing else but Power-Phobia leads me to not trust myself to not get stuck in the game.

IMHO, the desire for Order does seem to stem from a basic part of the make-up of the human psyche, playing off of the bio-survival circuit and perhaps the fear-impulse that derives therefrom. My own filters tend to make me view the toxic effects as derived from insecurity leading to a desire for Order and the imposition thereof, and to view the intoxicating effects as potentially destructive.

But my own leanings towards the Via Sinistra naturally make this intriguing to me, and make me want to possibly explore this at some point in order to integrate it more fully and overcome the aversion, as I do see it as a limitation that inhibits my ability to act more freely.

I find myself slightly intrigued by the Schreck’s notion of a group founded as an experiment in inequality as a means of exploring power dynamics.

(And the toxicity of the drug depends, I think, somewhat, on whether or not the vulnerability is more chosen than coerced.)

I’d agree with that as well.

Any exposed vulnerability is an intimacy –

Good way to put it- I’d not thought of it in such terms before.

forced to be constantly more exposed, more intimate, to more people, with less consent, less freedom to say "I don't want to be naked here."

Also interesting. To use a social example, I don’t flaunt, but I don’t really cover up much about myself. I don’t volunteer information but don’t conceal if asked. I naturally adapt this depending on my audience- I’d express myself differently to a rabid Fundie than, say, to a more open-minded person, of course.

Yet I tend to have a hypersensitivity regarding other people’s boundaries, which occasionally leads to a sort of social paralysis. When someone does become exposed, I normally react by adapting to a configuration that will make them feel more comfortable, depending on the situation, that could involve changing my method of interaction or respectfully backing away.

Naked Beneath My Clothes: Meditations on Power part 2

[(Anonymous)]

Is that intimacy cherished, loved, protected, or is it played for personal advantage?

And that returns to the whole boundary thing. I unfortunately have this tendency to err on the side of caution, perhaps overly much. I’ve had too many cases in the past where I’ve run in to trouble because I’ve accidentally given people the wrong impression, and seen those wrong impressions become memetic virii that have gone on to work against me. (true impressions don’t bug me but the false ones that self-propagate, for good or for ill, do)

(hence my palpable social awkwardness)

(note: using social situations as an example, as that springs to my mind most easily at this particular moment- dynamics could, of course, apply to other situations as well)


the confidence of being able to lay a hand on a shirt, but the ability to not notice when other people are stripped, to step away from the whole question.)

To act, or not to act?


oneironaut and I exchanged "You know who you really are when" comments about it -- the whole question of whether or not the jump towards ma'at or away.

Speculating aloud, would that depend on the situation, as well as the ability to recognize one’s alignment with Ma’at (which I tend to see {heretically} as in many ways specific to the individual (42 Laws as the exoteric manifestation, but Ma’at also manifesting as an Inner, personal esoteric connection- hence tying in with the whole "You know who you really are when…" thing)?

but there are good trips and bad trips, and good ways of dealing with the chemistry and bad ones.

Precisely.


(Words aren't coming out quite right. Oh well.)

I t-h-i-n-k I got it, or maybe not. Dunno yet. Looking over this response, I think I seem to have become confused…

Io Phanes,
Tzeenj

[ibnfirnas.livejournal.com]

This is...really...[word] stuff, er, y'know?
I mean, I need to do a lot of processing of it, and then have conversations about it.
Thanks.

Also, it makes me feel, fleetingly, Famous on the Internets.
Also, I'm still giggling that you have a 'ranty like a blogger' tag.