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One of the things I'm finding fascinating about the Feri work is the way I recast myself in response to -- not the work specifically -- but the community.
It's the one community where I've felt oddly self-conscious about my apparent heterosexuality; the basic assumptions and basic culture have a part of my mind trying to seek reassurance for my not being queer on that particular adjective, to have justifications handy in case someone is going to poke me about it. Nobody has, and I think I would be honestly shocked if anyone did -- but nonetheless the shift is an enlightening one.
At the same time, I find myself playing up my other queernesses, and I recognise the feeling of justifying my presence with them as part of why. But there's also just the sense that I can be these things and have it not be a bizarre thing or one completely unheard of. (Like talking about my perceptions of my own etheric structures with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
leafshimmer when he asked me if I'd ever been told I have a lot of male energy.)
And alsoyezidatalked about Feri as something that tends to bring the edges to the center and walk along the dividing lines, maybe a little this way, maybe a little that, but never out of sight of those borderlands where the nature of things breaks into fractal patterns and complexities that don't happen when things are one thing or another thing. So I pull up my internal edgewalkings, like singlet/plural, the weirdness that is my view of gender, or the one most overt in the Work itself, the complicated line where the reconstructionist sensibilities directly abut on the raw always-evolvingness transformation of Feri. This is where the real work that I have to do is, and I know it. (Born-men like fractal patterns.) Some of those edges are damaged and need to be cleansed and made kala; some are glorious as they are, and need to be acknowledged and celebrated. Most are probably somewhere in between or undefined.
(keshwyn's inner druid can stop smirking at me now. Really.)
I've been neglecting several levels of Work. My big task for developing the will is learning the discipline that I've never been any good at at all. And some of it I'm weirdly anxious about, afraid of making commitments, and some of it I just have to get up and do and stop making excuses about.
I think I've stopped being temperature-horked. With a little luck, bludgeoning myself into demi-lucidity with Tylenol Flu will mean my throat will be better too. And then I'll be out of excuses.
In other news,trelana is very, very funny. And so is ardaniel.
It's the one community where I've felt oddly self-conscious about my apparent heterosexuality; the basic assumptions and basic culture have a part of my mind trying to seek reassurance for my not being queer on that particular adjective, to have justifications handy in case someone is going to poke me about it. Nobody has, and I think I would be honestly shocked if anyone did -- but nonetheless the shift is an enlightening one.
At the same time, I find myself playing up my other queernesses, and I recognise the feeling of justifying my presence with them as part of why. But there's also just the sense that I can be these things and have it not be a bizarre thing or one completely unheard of. (Like talking about my perceptions of my own etheric structures with
leafshimmer when he asked me if I'd ever been told I have a lot of male energy.)And also
yezidatalked about Feri as something that tends to bring the edges to the center and walk along the dividing lines, maybe a little this way, maybe a little that, but never out of sight of those borderlands where the nature of things breaks into fractal patterns and complexities that don't happen when things are one thing or another thing. So I pull up my internal edgewalkings, like singlet/plural, the weirdness that is my view of gender, or the one most overt in the Work itself, the complicated line where the reconstructionist sensibilities directly abut on the raw always-evolvingness transformation of Feri. This is where the real work that I have to do is, and I know it. (Born-men like fractal patterns.) Some of those edges are damaged and need to be cleansed and made kala; some are glorious as they are, and need to be acknowledged and celebrated. Most are probably somewhere in between or undefined.(
keshwyn's inner druid can stop smirking at me now. Really.)I've been neglecting several levels of Work. My big task for developing the will is learning the discipline that I've never been any good at at all. And some of it I'm weirdly anxious about, afraid of making commitments, and some of it I just have to get up and do and stop making excuses about.
I think I've stopped being temperature-horked. With a little luck, bludgeoning myself into demi-lucidity with Tylenol Flu will mean my throat will be better too. And then I'll be out of excuses.
In other news,
trelana is very, very funny. And so is ardaniel.