Language Is Weird (A Story)

Lo, these many years ago I went to a summer camp, and in that summer camp I studied Latin.

I lived in the dorm that contained the dining hall for the camp (which was located between two wings of residential spaces) and thus in the morning would come bouncing down the stairs to the double doors (of course now my brain wants to say πύλαι and that is the WRONG SUMMER CLASS, thank you brain for reiterating the punchline before I'm done with the story) to go in and hunt food.

These were opaque doors with little portholes that were positioned for college students, not younger kids, and thus it was tricky to see the other side of them.

So one morning, I came down the stairs, I approached the πύλαι, and it opened abruptly as one of my classmates came out, nearly clocking me in the face.

They were very apologetic.

I, meanwhile, had a massive language glitch, and after about fifteen seconds of 'words do not work at all', spluttered out, "Ianua mala me oppugnat!"*

This got me deemed weird but kind of talented, I guess? We learned past tense that day, so I think it was "Ianua mala me oppugnavit" that made it onto the class t-shirt...

Language runs in weird channels.

( * )

Anyway this story brought to you by making dinner, cutting onions, and muttering "Cepa mala me oppugnat."