Microcosm of a Brainstate

It would be really nice if, now that I'm having my actual health taken seriously and thus have a lot of medical bills, my health insurance company would actually fucking pay them.

I mean, there was one that was - for one of the diagnostic tests - rejected outright with a "Since this didn't matter to your eventual diagnosis, fuck you". (My doctor was actively offended by that, and had a lovely political rant before noticing that this might be inappropriate doctor-patient relationship. I like my doctor.)

This new bill is less bad, being merely, "So, our negotiations with your health care provider means that we only accept being billed for about a fifth of your care. By the way? Your deductible? About a fifth."

This feels so ... iconic right now. And I feel very "Oh, I'm so sorry that my actually finally getting appropriate care means that I might theoretically have a relationship with you other than captive cash cow" about it. (I mean, yes, a $120 bill is less than the initial $550 bill, but the gap between the two just vanished, none of that money was paid to anyone. It's just the don't-have-insurance tax.)

I'm so tired. I'm not sinking into the horrible depression I've had the last eighteen hours or so because I've had a Boston playlist going for a bit, and that's bouyant for me. I'm just, too much of everything is health insurance. And there's no way to think about health insurance or things resembling it without existential horror.