Contemplations of Closets

Discussion on mailing list (serenejournal posted about this) crossed with a question griffen asked has led me to one of those sudden realisation things.

I get very messed up with trust issues, very easily. There are a number of ways that one can contemplate dealing with this; some of them are better than others.

The way I seem to prefer to deal with this is to preclude the possibility of trust-stress.

I don't make knowing basic information about me a trust issue.

It's too risky to think of these things in terms of who can be trusted with the information, it makes the entire thing a terrific fraughtness. It's giving over too much power over me to these other people, giving them the ability to hurt me very badly in ways that I know I'm vulnerable to.

Knowledge is power, sure -- but I've defined a whole bunch of stuff out of 'knowledge'. It's just stuff that's there. I don't gain any power by turning this into knowledge, I gain a weakness; on the flip side, by letting it be stuff that's there, I gain the power of knowing who reacts like a complete freak to stuff that's just there, not doing anything to them.

Oshiire aikijutsu.