I would draw the line for "bad" possessiveness at the point at which one person (A) is preventing another person (B) from doing things they (B) want to do without their (A's) consent without their (B) consent. (Okay, that was really confused, but I needed the last clause to cover d/s etc.)
Frex, a "good" possessive boyfriend will only come over and start being "she's my girlfriend get away from her" at someone his girlfriend is talking to if the girlfriend shows signs of wanting him to, or is starting to look uncomfortable (i.e., to "rescue" her). A "bad" possessive boyfriend won't let his girlfriend talk to anyone else because they might "steal" her from him. In the first case, the girlfriend *wants* the boyfriend to come and be obviously "possessive," in the second, she doesn't. Am I making sense? (That's an honest question -- I translate badly from "my head" to "everyone else's head" and I'm not quite awake yet.)
I think the idea being "possessiveness" being bad is the implication of the "possessor" treating the "possessee" as an object, a thing to be owned, and not necessarily as a person who has needs and desires that need to be respected.
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Date: 2002-08-23 06:07 am (UTC)Frex, a "good" possessive boyfriend will only come over and start being "she's my girlfriend get away from her" at someone his girlfriend is talking to if the girlfriend shows signs of wanting him to, or is starting to look uncomfortable (i.e., to "rescue" her). A "bad" possessive boyfriend won't let his girlfriend talk to anyone else because they might "steal" her from him. In the first case, the girlfriend *wants* the boyfriend to come and be obviously "possessive," in the second, she doesn't. Am I making sense? (That's an honest question -- I translate badly from "my head" to "everyone else's head" and I'm not quite awake yet.)
I think the idea being "possessiveness" being bad is the implication of the "possessor" treating the "possessee" as an object, a thing to be owned, and not necessarily as a person who has needs and desires that need to be respected.