Thank you for writing this, I am absolutely fascinated. I feel so cut off from myself, and from the rituals of being me and being in sacred space, that it was a bit jarring. But I think I needed that jar to be able to think some of the why out.
I learned about faith and spirituality from a lot of sources, many of them not church approved. The majority of what makes my faith, and my rituals, and me was found in the woods, in books, in dance, in storms and moving water.
But a hefty percentage of the rest came from my grandparents.
And I'm so fucking angry at them. It is bleeding into my faith, into the center of who I am. I never really thought of what my dad did as wrong, you know? He was just. . . daddy. And that was the way it was. But what my grandparents did. That was betrayal. That was hypocracy. That was wrong.
The voice in the back of my head is back, telling me that I deserved it, that the universe is a fair and balanced place and if it happened, well then there is the proof.
Dearheart, I'm sorry for putting this into your journal, in the comments. But this is apparently where it wanted to come out, and right now I'm just not up to. . . .
Anyway. In regards to your mother, my thoughts are with you, and her. While I don't belive anyone can honestly say they understand the emotions of another, I /do/ know how it felt for me when my father was having his first surgery to remove the tumor. *offers holds*
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Offers
Date: 2004-12-07 12:39 pm (UTC)I learned about faith and spirituality from a lot of sources, many of them not church approved. The majority of what makes my faith, and my rituals, and me was found in the woods, in books, in dance, in storms and moving water.
But a hefty percentage of the rest came from my grandparents.
And I'm so fucking angry at them. It is bleeding into my faith, into the center of who I am. I never really thought of what my dad did as wrong, you know? He was just. . . daddy. And that was the way it was. But what my grandparents did. That was betrayal. That was hypocracy. That was wrong.
The voice in the back of my head is back, telling me that I deserved it, that the universe is a fair and balanced place and if it happened, well then there is the proof.
Dearheart, I'm sorry for putting this into your journal, in the comments. But this is apparently where it wanted to come out, and right now I'm just not up to. . . .
Anyway. In regards to your mother, my thoughts are with you, and her. While I don't belive anyone can honestly say they understand the emotions of another, I /do/ know how it felt for me when my father was having his first surgery to remove the tumor. *offers holds*