kiya

*nods* I understand what you're saying. Maybe it's just more... ambiguous... for me. Just this weekend a friend of Rob's came over to help with some lawn/garden labor and eat dinner with us. I don't know this guy very well, but I know he's a fundamentalist Christian and generally a nice guy. He knows I am Pagan, as he has to walk by my car and its bumper-stickers to get to the front door-- he asked what religion I practice, and I told him, and he seemed okay with it. But when, if ever, should he know that Rob and I have an open marriage? Or that I write fanfiction? Or that I not only have a chronic pain condition, but I also have cerebral palsy? He's shared dinner with us, been a guest in our home. But he's not -my- friend, and sharing too much could mess up a friendship for my husband, who makes friends neither easily nor quickly. Yes, I felt very awkward and strange trying to skirt around topics that I would certainly discuss with one of -my- friends, but Rob has a whole lot fewer "non-mainstream things" than I do, and I kinda feel caution is worth it here. I'm in a local writing group, and I'm becoming closer and closer friends with the core members and they know most of what I wouldn't share with, say, the people for whom I work. But they don't know I have an open marriage, they don't know I was a Satanist for ten years, and they don't know how much depression my illness causes. Do they need to know that? I know all three are potentially disturbing to people. When should I share these things, if ever? Yes, I'm editing, but not all that much. As for a "break it to me gently" example, I know two people who have erotic relationships (or at least they perceive it as such) with their Gods. One shoves it into people's faces at every possible opportunity, and it's a concept that I honestly find extremely upsetting-- especially since Netjer is also understood to be their PARENTS. The other person told me after some pretty significant time had passed. I accept that it is important to her, I don't want to hear the details-- and I think if she'd told me that right off I would have run for the hills. Maybe that limits how close I can ever be with her, but I can't really change that. I can't make something that I find disturbing un-disturbing.

I'm not disagreeing, really, I just struggle with this whole issue. At least on things that aren't really, really core. (And maybe the whole thing boils down to that I define less things as core? I don't know) But then I end up having a conversation and one of these things either trips out, or I end up realizing that the story I'm telling includes something I don't want to talk about, and my whole cautiousness in sharing is shot to hell-- and sometimes I end up realizing that I was cautious for no good reason because the other person is *fine* with whatever I thought would be a huge problem. So maybe I should think "I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, so dammit I will." Gah!