Putting things right, is, in a bunch of senses, impossible. We can never be who we would have been if it hadn't happened.
What I find more useful is to look at it the way emergency responders are supposed to look at the scene -- what's the worst thing? Ok, make that stop being the worst thing -- not fixed, not solved, not not-a-problem-anymore, just not the worst thing. Ok, what's the worst thing _now_?
And you iterate, until the worst thing stops being "house on fire" or "scattered body parts" and starts being "oh, crud, I haven't done the paperwork yet". It has the great advantage of not pretending that you can get the people out of the house, and treated for smoke inhalation, and burns, and washed, and fed, and their insurance claims filed, and _then_ deal with, oh, hey, house on fire! which a whole lot of "solve the key problem" patterns seem to do.
It is a wretched thing to be going through, but the appearance of repressed pain probably means it's the worst thing now, which means there's been progress somewhere else.
Eventually progress stops meaning yet more stored pain.
urgh
Putting things right, is, in a bunch of senses, impossible. We can never be who we would have been if it hadn't happened.
What I find more useful is to look at it the way emergency responders are supposed to look at the scene -- what's the worst thing? Ok, make that stop being the worst thing -- not fixed, not solved, not not-a-problem-anymore, just not the worst thing. Ok, what's the worst thing _now_?
And you iterate, until the worst thing stops being "house on fire" or "scattered body parts" and starts being "oh, crud, I haven't done the paperwork yet". It has the great advantage of not pretending that you can get the people out of the house, and treated for smoke inhalation, and burns, and washed, and fed, and their insurance claims filed, and _then_ deal with, oh, hey, house on fire! which a whole lot of "solve the key problem" patterns seem to do.
It is a wretched thing to be going through, but the appearance of repressed pain probably means it's the worst thing now, which means there's been progress somewhere else.
Eventually progress stops meaning yet more stored pain.