kiya: (misc)
( Apr. 16th, 2010 10:01 pm)
Got out of the house three days in a row. Today we went to the grocery store!

In the grocery store we found kosher for Passover Coke. You know when we couldn't find kosher for Passover Coke? In time for Passover. Unfortunately, we only figured this out when we got it home so we didn't buy a ton of it. We will have to go back.

It tastes like the Coke of my childhood.

KJ is trending towards mobility, slowly but steadily. Her failures are making her angrier and angrier, though. She apparently did a basic crawl mode at games. I have not seen this repeated, perhaps because I have not done anything as urgent to get involved with as play cards. Dooooomed!

... there was other stuff but I've forgotten it.
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kiya: (black heart)
( Sep. 21st, 2009 05:12 pm)
[livejournal.com profile] suzimoses presented me with a baby alphabet book gift from the pod. I am unspeakably delighted by "X is for xenops". (I think "D" may be for "dinosaur", but the associated cloth animal is unspeakably blodgy. I think perhaps "donkey" would have been a wiser editorial choice.)

KJ has achieved a point of muscle control and neurological development where her top half moves more or less like C-3PO. Still not to the point of reaching for or holding objects, though.

The breast pump intimidates me with all of its glistening clear plastic bits. Need to parse it out to get supply that is not-immediately-me available, also latest round of cluster feeding has left me ... unpleasantly swollen.

Did some work yesterday on the Traveller's Guide project. Which appeared to amuse the current population of the household a lot, as it involved referencing back and forth among a small pile of books, with occasional divergences into Google. (My favorite Google search was the 'try to find original reference for line on this page of this book', search, sole hit ... the Google books entry for that page of the book. Augh. Sorted it out eventually.) For generalised amusement, the section that I was working on is currently entitled "Sidebar: Your Body, Your Selves".

Feeling intensely grateful for the existence of my father as my father. And exhausted unto inarticulacy by dwamas.
kiya: (original sin)
( Jul. 22nd, 2009 12:03 am)
I want to write theology. I want to have it all spilling out, all the glorious shape of it, all the things about the way I approach things, if only so there's a school of thought out there that says it so people can argue with it, something out there that has something coherent and systematic and looking at the whole thing. And I don't know how the fuck I'd get it published if I wrote it - it's not magical enough to toss at Immanion, I think - but I want it like it's spilling out my pores. Only I don't know where to start. What's the beginning? I have all these pieces, these shapes of things, the explanation behind this ritual, the exploration of this concept, nature of names, nature of souls, the three faces of chaos, the gods in the universe, people in the universe, all these things, but what's the first thread? Where do I try to tell people to start? (Zep Tepi, always Zep Tepi, but.)

I want my foot to stop hurting. Some of the swelling from the pregnancy seems to have - at our best guess - separated the callus on part of my right heel from the rest of the skin, which produces sudden-scream levels of pain when manipulated incorrectly.

I want ... food to look like food again. Everything is as appealing and foodlike as grass, which is profoundly frustrating. I snack, mostly because I know I ought to input caloric stuff, but it's ... sort of desultory.

I want to not have to be up at ungodly in the morning to go interview a pediatrician. At least I get to go back to bed afters.
Did some more work on the Bes mask at last - Sunday was spent at D&D, Monday I can't remember a damn thing about really, Tuesday I woke up in horrific pain, took a bath, and went back to sleep, so today was probably my first good day to work anyway. Mostly just cleanup and fixing some undercuts. I think I have achieved basically done, which is good.

Life would be easier if there were fewer positions where I immediately collapse in a weird heap because it feels like my pelvis is falling apart. Yes, relaxin is my friend for the impending expulsion of the parasite (who should really stop trying to pry off my bottommost right rib, which, as [livejournal.com profile] brooksmoses points out, is probably too late to be used in proper new-human construction), but the 'my hips have come undone! my hips have come undone!' sensation is quite alarming. Especially when it leaves me stranded on my back and flailing like an upended box turtle.

I keep wanting to write things and having no competence to do so. This is kind of frustrating on a lot of levels - I can do ... light stuff, but the gnawful things I want to do and/or the progression-on-writing-work things I want to do elude me entirely. I did get some stuff done for pre-baby arrival preparation, but that was mostly transcription.

Have been following miscellaneous post-Readercon discussions with raised eyebrow, mostly; about 85% bemused and distant perspective on my own issues with fandom and 15% "Gee, I know Eric Van from completely different directions."

I find myself bemused that it appears that [livejournal.com profile] thewronghands's sex posts make me want to talk about religion and religion posts make me want to talk about sex.

I have drunk so much milk recently that I am beginning to be actively displeased by dairy. This is ... really, really disturbing. But [livejournal.com profile] teinedreugan got me a little bottle of apple juice, which helped.

I need to find my kyphi stash.

Oh yeah. Monday I watched Into the Woods because I needed it. For reasons I cannot articulate in the slightest.
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So I've been playing A Tale in the Desert. Hanging out in one of the less populated regions and experimenting with imaginary booze and animal husbandry, with occasional forays into art and the like. (Tale is a kind of weird MMORPG. No grinding by killing kobolds, though one can strangle stray sheep if one is so inclined. It's set in what I can best describe as a steampunk ancient Egypt. We have yet to research airships.)

I have a lot of fun with it. I've gotten to the point where there's plenty for me to do that isn't grinding. I love the reactory minigame even though I'm quite bad at it. I would love it if interested friends would come play with me, too. I have been hesitant to post about this because I know a lot of people are short on a) time and b) money for doing such things, and also nagging to join people on MMORPGs is one of the more obnoxious and antisocial things that gamers do to other gamers these days, but also I still would like to play with friends. So yeah. The thing. Let me know if you want to come play or something. I'll build a guild for us to chat in.


In other, less gamer-related news:

My lower intestines are in massive rebellion. I feel like there's a hole in the back of my neck that all my energy drains out of if I try to do anything. I am occasionally choking on goo. I suspect, from this combination of things, that I am mildly ill.

The baby has found several interesting places to kick me. I prefer the ones that are aimed forward. Especially since the other kind tend to scramble my guts even more.

[livejournal.com profile] ursulav has made me really want to build a reef tank. Which is the sort of thing that arguably fits into my typical spring overexuberance with projects, and also a bad idea due to cost and time investment when I'm trying to do things like grow a small person. Not that I have a place to put a reef tank if I had one, anyway, so this is going into the "maybe someday" pile.

We had the attic inspected for energy efficiency and insulation (due to having ice dams and leaks into the closet over the winter), and discovered a giant hole channeling hot air from the furnace into the attic. Gee, ya think that might be related or something? Anyway, there is magic financing for fixing this mess from the gummint, so the mess will be fixed.

Um, stuff.
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kiya: (misc)
( May. 6th, 2008 12:19 am)
I have done Much Digging in the yard in preparation for building when I have more rocks. And I have sourced miscellaneous rocks, too, so there will be building when I have rocks (the acquisition-in-theory of [livejournal.com profile] keshwyn and [livejournal.com profile] mindways's rocks led to a reevaluation of the relevant engineering). I am quite satisfied with the diggingness, and glad [livejournal.com profile] teinedreugan was willing to humor me on this project.

I have been to the doctor to try to track down some of my fatigue issues. It appears that I am biochemically normal, more or less ... including my thyroid. Which is a neat trick, as my hormone levels were High last year. Elevated thyroid antibodies, which means shiny autoimmune action, but not currently of clinical concern. The indicator for celiac a little elevated, but not indicative, which doesn't surprise me given family history. Something elevated around my liver. Etc. More stuff to discuss in a month when I go back for my physical/pap. Possible referral to an endocrine specialist for various things. No clue about the fatigue issues. Mumble.

[livejournal.com profile] teinedreugan is away, so I am left mostly to my own devices.

Chewing on the Traveller's Guide project a bit. Having trouble organising my thoughts, though.
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I am snowed under with ... well, at least today it's not snow, because it has rained.

A couple of weeks ago, the shrink responded to something I said with a sort of sing-song, "You're nest-ing!" and ... yeah, well, so what else is news? But this is clearly more intense than it has been in the past. Taking a lot of processing.

This is feeding into some fascinating and complicated stuff about processing through what I can do and what I can commit to and not actually knowing where I'll be in six months, which is ... not precisely stressful, but pushing me to the edges of my tolerance on making decisions with insufficient data.

Made sure to run my application to the Feri Camp at Casa Chaos to the post office as soon as possible so I have a chance of getting in. We'll see how the luck of the draw goes, as I anticipate that pretty much everyone else did the same ...

The furnace threw a hissy this morning and wouldn't light up, so I was rolled out of bed to supervise the workman so [livejournal.com profile] teinedreugan could get to work. The furnace is now working, and may be a little quieter than it was before, even. Even though I had a nap after the fellow left, I have this vague haze of wrong-sleep headache.

I have spent approximately the last month completely exhausted. I suspect that this is a consequence of spending the previous eight or so months dealing with persistent high-stress, with October-February of that being a lot of spiritual-religious high-stress processing. Fortunately, I don't seem to have a Task at the moment, so I can spend a lot of time trying to recover, which in practice seems to be 'sleeping a lot and wanting a vacation and coddling'.

The second round of tattooing was last week; it itches like crazy now. Worse than the first round led me to expect. I am not entirely sure what to make of that. Third and presumably final round falls on the first day of spring.

I'm thinking I'll break down some of the 2x4 constructions from when we had the storage movement pre-move and convert them into a compost bin. Minimal work, no need for materials acquisition other than the tubing, and the bucket on the porch is hitting overflow levels.

The Feri students list is making my head hurt. I'm a kitchen witch, not a ceremonialist, damnit, and arguing about interpretations of the Kabbalah depending on systemic perspective would probably still be too abstruse for me if I'd finished Gershom Scholem. And I haven't read any Crowley.

Brain working overtime on trying to figure out structural stuff for The Traveller's Guide to the Duat, which some bit of my mind seems to want to subtitle (Amenti on Two Deben a Day).
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kiya: (too tired)
( Jan. 16th, 2008 03:45 pm)
I'm suspecting that what I've been parsing as 'some kind of long-term mild depression' is a situational effect resulting from being completely exhausted. The effects are similar to a depressive episode -- tendency to stay up too late followed by hypersomnia, difficulty focusing and getting things done, generalised anhedonia -- but instead of 'I can't wake up' sorts of hypersomnia it's the mild (but identical in effect) 'I could get up, but there is no reason on earth to actually bother with doing so'.

It's a good thing that I have Friedman killfiled, because otherwise I would have just gotten lots of ugly all over rasfc, and that's no good for anyone. He has now moved himself into the same category as Rosemary: "That sort of evil that destroys community in order to implement a profoundly defective utopia which is appealing only to itself", more or less.

I am tremendously amused by the Trader Joe's frozen French onion soup, which I picked up a while back and hadn't tried yet. I opened up the box, and what fell out into my hand but ... a shrink-wrapped cylinder of ice, with cheese cubes arranged at one end. I just find this hysterical. Also, slightly difficult to extract.

I still hate writing conclusions.
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kiya: (misc)
( Aug. 15th, 2007 12:35 am)
Not entirely in the best of health, in various forms, which is irksome and kind of exhausting.

Had a fit of 'must stave off depression' which led to sorting two boxes of books in the basement and cataloguing them, which means I've found a big stack of paperback Discworld novels. Which means I can in theory start on my project that involved reading through those and taking notes on magical paradigms.

This week is full of crazed scheduling foo. And things I'm both anxious about and unable to talk about usefully, which is not much damn use.

Must organise stuff for business. Which overloads me fairly easily. Which probably means I should up my oil caps, doesn't it? Oy.

Meanwhile, this nice Warcraft-related artwork, from [livejournal.com profile] oneironaut: Tonkz and Mr. Whiskers

Don't expect coherence.

ETA: Of all the newsgroups to spambomb into oblivion ... rec.games.roguelike.nethack? WTF?
kiya: (paradigm)
»

GIP

( May. 28th, 2007 03:05 am)
Icon partially made because of conversations with [livejournal.com profile] otter3, whose attention I wish to draw to it. Done by [livejournal.com profile] arawen and myself this evening; the poem quoted is of course E. E. Cummings's "pity this busy monster,manunkind".

Miscellaneous minor content:

Got plants to put into the raised beds, which means it's all planted aside from summer savory. I could find winter savory to plant. Same genus, not the same plant. Have to plant the catnip (which I got mostly for its discouragement of mosquitoes), though Friendly Orange Cat has expressed his approval in terms of chewing on two of the plants, charging off after a dragonfly, and then writhing with that sort of hyped-up tail-lashing intensity that 'nipped-up cats are prone to.

Finally finished Lenses of Gender, and wow, [livejournal.com profile] trinityva, I see what you mean about the random gratuitous transphobia. Yipes.

May have accomplished some facsimile of emotional stability. Here's hoping it lasts.
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kiya: (feri)
( Mar. 30th, 2007 01:06 am)
Trying to assemble my stuff for the last training weekend with [livejournal.com profile] yezida. I am sort of in a mental tangle; I'm not sure where I want to pursue the Feri work beyond this point, aside from 'take another while to assimilate because it appears to take me about a year to process through each quarter and I'm running behind' and 'chase lore'. Been reading bits of Thorns of the Blood Rose and contemplating; need to get more focused.

I have made one hell of a lot of pizza. Looking forward to trying the walnut-feta one.

Just ... too much stuff in my head. This has been an awfully weird, rough quarter, and good, and ... complicated. I kind of want to ruminate philosophically about it, but I don't really have anything articulate enough to do so. It's all in the Tomb of Birth, keeping silent.

I faced some demons this quarter that I've been running from all my life, and when I wrestled them at the ford, they turned out to be an angel, and gave me a blessing. I've wrestled with depression one whole hell of a lot, and the mud at that particular ford is slippery, but I know I've still got fight in me. I've poked and prodded at bits of inner strength (and had some fascinating Pentacle-related thoughts).

I joked, two years ago, that some people hit their Saturn return and go to grad school, or go on a six-month vacation, or have a nervous breakdown, or something, and I went into Feri training. I look at where I am now compared to where I was then, and ... I don't know if I achieved what I set out to do, really. I don't know if I'm any more together. I know I'm happier and stronger, at least, which is better, but I don't have much clearer sense of direction.

But perhaps I've got plenty of sense of direction already.

There are images in my head that I can't figure out how to write down. Not just the poem I've been wrestling with about fire and desire, but ...

... there's that place in the outer dark, not the lonely void, but my-god-it's-full-of-stars. That's where my head's at a lot these days, and why I've been so damn quiet. My god, my god, She's full of stars.
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Poetry is hard. And the OL refuge/backup is down, depriving me of people to whinge at about this.

Newsgroup dynamics are fascinating things. I was finally driven to mention exactly what I think of R.L. on rasfc, and the current state of ap is ... fascinating, between the melodramatic drama queen and Orlando rampant on field gules.

I shouldn't have to say things like "Don't break my traps" and "Don't pull the mob you're offtanking into my dead zone" and think things like "Why are you offtanking that way the hell away from the main tank, rendering my ability to hit more than one target completely useless" to a level 70. Really. I shouldn't.

My left knee has a welt on it about the size of the mouth of a coffee mug, for unknown reason (presumably something bit me sometime today). I have applied antibiotic ointment, which appears to have made it itch slightly less, though it's still gigantic and red.

I'm out of cats to vacuum. Back to "Poetry is hard."

ETA: The other thing that I wanted to mention is that I seem to have a back-process of my brain pondering what Hamlet would be like if he had a mantic disposition.
kiya: (watcher)
( Dec. 12th, 2006 04:57 pm)
Found a piece of glass we missed from the thing we broke moving in. Fortunately, it is no longer buried somewhere under the callus on the sole of my right foot, which is where it was for a while.

My copy of The Chemical History of a Candle is 98 years old, which explains much about it that puzzled me when I was six.

Randomly flipping through my Lonely Planet USA Phrasebook managed to annoy me by defining 'transgender' as 'annoyingly PC way of saying "transvestite"', or something like that. Mmmmmmph.

I have two Lonely Planet books that I've found so far -- the USA Phrasebook and Montréal. I'm wondering whether or not I need more as reference for the Lonely Planet-style Guide to the Duat I'm still strongly tempted to write. Perhaps I need to travel more so I have a reason to pick up a few more. Oh, the pain and suffering.

Cataloguing books reminds me, once again, that [livejournal.com profile] jenett once explained to me what the ISBN numbers meant. I recognise publishers when I do a bunch in a row; for a while on a previous box I had White Wolf's ISBN start in my copy-paste. :P

Damn, keeping a bandage on the sole of my foot is difficult.

I hope [livejournal.com profile] teinedreugan remembers to get kibble. The cats are peevish.
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kiya: (misc)
( Oct. 28th, 2006 03:21 pm)
Because becoming huge

This is getting ridiculous. Time to get rid of it. )
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kiya: (watcher)
( Jun. 20th, 2006 07:27 pm)
- Tuned guitar. (And the heck is with that second string tuning off the fourth fret? The others all tune off the fifth. Harrumph.)
- Packed OED (in two boxes [livejournal.com profile] keshwyn got from [livejournal.com profile] jducoeur).
- Filled the second box which was not entirely full of OED with 'misc reference', which included not only stuff like The American Boy's Handy-Book and The Chemical History of A Candle but Atlas of Middle-Earth and The Dragon-Lover's Guide to Pern. Exceedingly misc reference, in other words.
- Stripped bed and washed sheets & a couple of random towels.
- Packed boxes marked 'Classics', 'Hardcover fiction' and 'Trade paper fic' as part of clearing some shelves in the green room (marked off to-do).
- Was awfully amused to find that as things sit at the moment, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish appears to be shelved next to Chaucer.
- Contemplated guitar names.
- Fed and watered kibble monsters.
- Watered plants.
- Overheated myself something fierce. Ugh.
- Accumulated some awfully random links:


Need to do list:
- handweights
- dance vid
- eat
- remake bed
- clean catbox
- work more coherently on guitar tutorial thing
- uhhhh
kiya: (misc)
( Jun. 8th, 2006 05:46 pm)
A few scattered links:

An interesting post on the subject of cultural appropriation, which appears to be rattling around a chunk of my flist. (Reading comments matters.) This is something I'm needing to chew on, because the thing I'm working on at the moment is set in "the real world" for at least some of it, which means that there are real people of real cultures involved, and not all of them are mine. And I know one of my flaws as a writer is that I don't put in enough concrete detail to ground people in where they are, and that I should go in on my editing pass and make the home of the POV character much more real and grounded in its appropriate cultural background, the assumptions, the ways things work there. Because doing otherwise glosses over the real, genuine issues of cultural difference that are in the roots of the story, because it's possible to treat the things as sort of generics, and my default writing tends to, and that does the people involved a great disservice. (Link from [livejournal.com profile] pantryslut.)

Mindboggling high-tech gaming table war room. (Link from [livejournal.com profile] apollonides.)

Stunning fountain setup with Diet Coke and Mentos. Quicktime. Has sound, which is not entirely needful for the experience, but does enhance. (Originally from [livejournal.com profile] micheinnz, though I've seen it elsewhere since.)

Quickie book reviews:

Sexual Ecstasy and the Divine, Yasmine Galenorn )

The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still The Least Valued, Ann Crittenden )

And now back to dealing with Sisyphus's rock.
Away (not in the actual, y'know, significantly away from where I usually am, but nonetheless away from home) this weekend, thus not in my usual state of semi-perpetual awareness of the internet. So, y'know, don't expect to hear from me, unless you do.

My ineffectuality, while dominating much of the day, has more or less dissolved in light of my need to try out the double boiler (the acquisition of which was previously mentioned). However, I was mightily startled when the flower sprig I was stripping emitted a rather drowsy and unimpressed bee at me. (The bee was safely ejected to the vicinity of the azalea once I recovered from Exaggerated Startle Reflex-land.)

[livejournal.com profile] suzimoses is here safely.

[livejournal.com profile] whispercricket has emailed me to inform me about the state of [livejournal.com profile] arawen's adorableness. I am appropriately awww.
kiya: (watcher)
( May. 22nd, 2006 02:06 am)
Aleph-Null Bottles of Beer on the Wall )

High-maintenance low-maintenance )

Back to that sense of perspective thing. )

Miscellanea )
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[livejournal.com profile] eyebrowsmcgee has produced some really neat preacherifying for Holy Week. Recommended for Christians and Christian-friendly sorts who want a shiny thought to play with.

In my strange world in which all my whims were satisfied, How AWESOME Will It Be?: A Teenager's Guide to Understanding and Preparing for the Second Coming would not have no Amazon reviews. It would have at least one. And that one would be written by [livejournal.com profile] elfwreck.

Have spent the last day and a half or so more or less insane. Was unable to deal with it for much of this time for various reasons; thus, spent a lot of today engaged in vigorous displacement activity. This led to the doing of a load of laundry, a load of dishes (including the washable stove components), the cleaning of the stovetop, the cleaning of floor around the stove, decluttering the foyer and slaying many dust bunnies, discovering that a suitcase was full of cat piss and cleaning that up, watering the plants, and cleaning out the right-hand soap dish in the bathroom.

My mead ferment came unstuck; my jasmine water and orange blossom water have arrived.

Added to to-write list: seeking homes; possibly something about fear/vulnerability.

Much processing around a bit of personality fragment that needs to be dealt with. Only slightly mad. Also dealt with the crazy eventually, as well as it can be done, by talking it out with [livejournal.com profile] arawen. (Among other things, mmm.) But it matters so much to have him willing to deal with my crazy with efficiency, even if there's nothing really to be done about it other than support and let time pass. (Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.)

Poem cut on general principles. )

Shower, full moon Rite, bed.
kiya: (misc)
( Feb. 13th, 2006 03:40 am)
We seem to have successfully rebooted my cat, and he's now working properly. So that's something.

Went through the PantheaCon schedule and sort of tentatively worked out what things I'd like to attend, barring resolution of conflicts and depending on my mood and capacity. At the moment, I don't have much conflict on major rituals I want to go to -- since I'll be staying at the hotel, I'll be able to get to the Pomba without a problem, nothing conflicts with one of the seidh slots, I'll get to the Bast ritual at last, I need to pick between a Feri ritual and a Brighid one, and [livejournal.com profile] elfwreck's Discordian ritual.

Need to do packing and prep for trip, which would require actually facing the fact that I'm running low on time to do packing and prep for trip. (And back to my hostile relationship with linear time.)

Word to remember: Amphisbaena

While I'm glad to know I'm still quite skilled at driving myself mad, I do not currently need the practice. So I would like to stop now. Especially since mostly I'm being stressy about the fact that my stress is silly.
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