(I am so behind on LJ like you wouldn't believe. If you said anything you wanted me to see in the last, oh, month, let me know okay? I will probably not catch up.)
I got diagnosed with some nutritional deficiencies a few months ago. And since these were deficiencies in the "In order to fix this I should eat ... the stuff I eat" sort of way, they're being wrestled with through supplementation.
This is not a minor matter: my doctor commented that if I were, y'know, sick
, he would have me on an IV drip of this stuff. I looked at the charts of standard distributions of ratings of this stuff in my lab results, and a couple of things if they were box and whisker charts I would be off on the bad end of one of the whiskers, shall we say. Possible consequences of this set of deficiencies includes permanent neurological damage (possibly related to Alzheimer's, which my grandmother had; after I got home from the doctor and did a little research, I immediately called my mother to tell her she might want to have her stuff checked).
I had taken a bunch of this stuff to start out with a while back - a month and a half ago I'm guessing - and it laid me fucking flat
. So I backed off, and have been sloooowly ramping shit up. And I finally got to adding the N-Acetyl-L-Cysteine (henceforth 'NAC') a few days ago. NAC is a precursor component to glutathione, which can't be supplemented directly because the body doesn't give a shit about marinating it, it wants to make its own.
NAC is also a detoxifier. (The other thing I have yet to add is also gonna contribute to this; that one is in the cocktail because it crosses the blood/brain barrier, I'm betting.)
This is a becoming a meditation on human frailty, really. How fragile and delicate a body can be; the courses that it ripples through in pursuit of health, of its goals, trying to tweak its function. This underlying problem could, in the very long run, destroy my mind; trying to correct it makes me physically weak as a kitten, costs me all of my emotional resiliency (which I was still in the process of damn well rebuilding), and ... yeah. And we don't even know what caused
the deficiency, so even this level of 'treating the underlying problem' is really just a slightly deeper layer of fancy symptom management, anyway.
I started the NAC Thursday night because artan_eter
doesn't have school Friday, and that would give the long weekend to try to get through the brutal first phase of detox. And my father will be visiting next week too, which will help.
I am see-sawing between "I don't have the strength to cry" and "I don't have the strength not to cry" today. Communication is hard: I can't begin to see what people might plausibly mean if they're not saying something exactly the way I would. (Had a lovely damn fight with artan_eter
over that one earlier.) I have a cold, for insult to injury, too, so I'm just... I'm very, very tired.
I commented to artan_eter
that what I seem to be shedding in this detox process is spoons. He commented that those are often made of metal...
Health is hard. Let's go shopping.
For something other than more pills and powders.